Beerfest

*** Stars

Broken Lizard is a subliminal nightmare and a gift from beer drinking heaven.

Snakes on a Plane

Rating: **1/2 Stars

This campy and outrageous horror/slasher/comedy/B-Movie flick is a ridiculous and far fetched piece of junk. Yet, it is preposterously entertaining.

So here’s the deal. A young man witnesses a brutal mob murder by the notorious Chen Leong. The investigation falls to FBI agent Neville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson) to escort his charge safely from Hawaii to Los Angeles to testify. But as an act of aggression, Leong discovers a way to stop him from testifying. Enter: Snakes on a Plane.

He smuggles hundreds of poisonous snakes onto the commercial aircraft in a crate timed to release its deadly cargo halfway over the Pacific. Flynn, along with a frightened flight crew and passengers, must then band together in a desperate attempt to survive. The rest you will have to see to believe.

Viewers beware: Ophidiophobia (fear of snakes) will occur after the viewing of this movie.

Pulse

Rating: 0 Stars

Every now and then, a movie comes along where the Hollywood production agencies call “Garbage, leftovers, or crap.” Pulse, directed by Jim Sonzero, completely fulfills all of those qualities to create the worst movie of the year, and beyond.

The plot (if any) is totally amok. There is no story, no convincible actors, and no scares. A group of teenagers discover a connection to a world beyond our own through wireless connection. The dead quickly start to storm the earth and suck the life out of each and every soul. If only real computers moved that fast. If only our cell phones had unlimited amounts of service. If only this movie was never made…

World Trade Center

"Another example of heroic love is the American hero. "
-Mortimer Adler

**** Stars

Five years after the tragedy of September the 11th, America seems to have slowly forgotten what truly happened that day. Sometimes, the people of this world need to be reminded of its failures...and its courage. Director Oliver Stone creates a gentle, heartbreaking, and heroic story of two men who risked all they had to save others...and themselves.

We all know the details of what happened that day. Two planes hit the towers and both collapsed. Many of the officers actually had little idea of what had truly happened to the towers. Many thought only one tower was hit. The smoke was so bad they could not see the other building. Confusion circulated many officials as the frantically tried to get into the buildings to start the rescue mission.

John McLoughlin (Nicholas Cage) and Will Jimeno (Michael Pena) were two Port Authority police officers who were called to the scene of the World Trade Center attacks. Both entered the North Tower with other members of their rescue team. Sadly, they were the only ones from the group pulled out alive.

While trapped in the rubble, McLoughlin and Jimeno experienced a lifetime of pain and memories. Flashbacks were brought back into the minds of the men as the desperately try to keep one another awake and alive. Jimeno comes close to death and claimed to see Jesus Christ holding a bottle of water. Other visions of their lives and love ones are seen that apparently help prevent their death. John's wife Donna (Mario Bello) and Will's wife Allison (Maggie Gyllenhaal) sat and watch from home as the waited painfully the fate of their husbands. Thankfully, both returned home safely. Sadly, 2,976 did not.

Nicholas Cage and Michael Pena are two very gifted actors. They care so deeply about these characters, that you are lost into the story. They both give sincere and award worthy performances. Oliver Stone directs them with simplistic complexity; meaning that the story is a simple tale of courage and survival, but the visions they see are never understandable. From Platoon to JFK, Stone seems to have no problem questioning the truth. But in this case, he re-creates it. World Trade Center is Stone’s most respectful and high-spirited film ever. Even though it has several Hollywood clichés, Stone's message is clear. America has forgotten the emotions of September the 11th. It shows us that no matter what happens to us, our flag will always be raised. Leaving the theater, I silently looked down at my water bottle and realized how much we have taken for granted.

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

*** Stars
Will Ferrell is a gift from comedy heaven. In this film, he plays Ricky Bobby, another self absorbed hero to the public who wants only what's best for himself. This time he is the leading man of Nascar. The movie has a great cast. Its quick wit and explosive laughs are just as funny as Anchorman; a ridiculous ride that will make you laugh until it hurts.

John Tucker Must Die

** Stars For those men dragged to John Tucker Must Die, it's not as bad as you feared. Still, that's no excuse.

Miami Vice

**1/2 Stars

Miami Vice is 30 minutes too long.

Clerks II

***1/2 Stars

This is the funniest film so far this year and one of Kevin Smith's best.

It should be in full contention for Best Animated Feature next Oscar night. And it may.
NEW MOVIE OUT THIS WEEK

NEW MOVIE OUT THIS WEEK

Lady in the Water

** Stars

It had to end sometime.

Since M. Night Shyamalan's first hit with The Sixth Sense back in 1999, he has consistently produced more films that were just as worthy (Unbreakable, Signs, and The Village). Sadly, seven years later, Shyamalan has crafted his first failure.

Shyamalan is however one of a limited group filmmakers who can create such masterful imagination on screen. The concept is pure brilliance. Unfortunately, the execution here is disappointing.

Now I'm only saying this because maybe I expected more from him because I'm such a huge fan. Maybe Shyamalan just wanted to make a simple bedtime story. And if that's the case and you take it that way, you might like this movie.

The story takes place at The Cove, an apartment complex in the middle of Pennsylvania (the entire film is shot here) where Cleveland Heep, the building manager, rescues a mysterious young woman named Story. She is a narf, which from I've heard is a character from a bedtime story who is trying to make the treacherous journey from our world back to hers. Cleveland and his fellow tenants start to realize that they are also characters in this bedtime story. For some reason, Story has this majestic power that will help one clear its mind and allow him or herself to discover their purpose. According to Story, "All humans have a purpose." And so does this film. It just doesn't show it.

The movie barely stays afloat because of Paul Giamatti, who is never worse than excellent. He is one of America's best actors. I hope that Shyamalan will get back in the winners circle with his next film.

An Inconvenient Truth

***1/2 Stars

What happens when you abuse the simple luxuries in life? What happens when the life you know vanishes into thin air?

Al Gore gives a stunning and haunting presentation on Global Warming. From countries all over the world, he has tried to send a disturbing message towards all nations. If we do not change the way we are living, the world could start to fall apart, literally, as short as fifty years from now.

Gore discusses several different issues that are affecting Global Warming. Automobiles, population, the oil industry, electricity, even mosquitoes all play a part in this crisis. There is so much information to obtain in this film that seeing it at least twice is crucial. It is not a movie, nor a documentary. It is a lecture that gives us the information to live beyond our generation.

It may not be action packed or loaded with FX, but it delivers more terror than most films in years. Gore explains that this is not a politically issue, rather than a moral issue. This is a crucial fact towards this film. Gore does occasionally crack a joke about his loss of the Presidential Election in 2000. But mostly, he gives us a piece of nature that is beyond astonishing. So take initiative and start to slowly change the way you live. The first thing to do is to rush to the theater as soon as possible to see An Inconvenient Truth, one of the most important films of our time.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

*** Stars

Dead Man's Chest hits the big screens as the best movie so far this summer. Johnny Depp gives another award worthy performance as Jack Sparrow, the infamous captain of the Black Pearl. This is an exciting, suspenseful, and hilarious sequel that tops its great predecessor.

Jack discovers he owes a blood debt to the legendary Davey Jones, Captain of the ghostly Flying Dutchman. With time running out, Jack must find a way out of his debt or else be doomed to eternal damnation and servitude in the afterlife. Making matters worse, Jack's problems manage to interfere with the wedding plans of a certain Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley), who are forced to join Jack on yet another one of his misadventures.

Johnny Depp rocks the screen like no other actor has this year. His hilarious wit and bold charisma equals his Academy Award nomination performance in the original, with some great supporting performances by Bill Nighy as Davy Jones and Stellan Skarsgar as Bootstrap Bill Turner, Will's father. The movie is long but nonetheless a wonderful spectacle. Let's hope Pirates 3 will prevail into another swashbuckling adventure.

NEW MOVIE OUT THIS WEEK

Superman Returns

** Stars

Superman is back after nineteen years, five directors, and a chunk load of change. The real question: Can he still fly?

Nope.

You can guarantee that the latest Superman flick will top box offices all over the place. But still, after all the hype, Superman Returns, like X-Men: The Last Stand, fails to deliver the goods needed to make a comic book come alive. Director Bryan Singer should have kept his mind on the X-Men franchise.

The Ridiculous Plot: Superman returns to Earth to stop the dangerous and ruthless acts of Lex Luthor, who has been sprung from prison with the specific intent of using Superman's technological secrets for his own personal gain and glory.

Lois Lane, star reporter for the Daily Planet and the love of Superman's life, has moved on since Superman left without a word. She has even won a Pulitzer Prize for her essay, "Why the World Doesn't Need Superman." She is also engaged to the editor's nephew and has a young son to look after.

The special effects are dazzling. The first battle of the movie is a jaw dropping spectacle. But at 154 minutes, the Man of Steel begins to rust. Brandon Routh, who plays the Man of Steel, is as bad as you feared, Kate Bosworth plays Louis Lane as a wicked bitch, and Kevin Spacey is miscast (but he is tolerable) as Lex Luthor, Superman's nemesis. The script however is surprisingly sub par. We never truly see why Superman came back or how his absence has affected his mind. We are seeing the middle of a story with neither an introduction nor satisfactory conclusion. Superman Returns then outstays its welcome. Let's pray Spiderman 3 can deliver where many comic book adaptations lately have failed.

Click

**1/2 Stars

Adam Sandler has grown up. Sandler, who is pushing forty, is too old to play a cocky punk he once represented. In "Click", he refreshes his image as a more mature man who is ready for some serious roles. And we just saw Adam Sandler in Mike Binder's drama Reign Over Me. He can do dramatic movies.

Wait, Click is a drama? From my view, I believe it is. It has the same exact plot as It's a Wonderful Life. Seriously, it's almost the same thing; and while I took that to heart and found it offensive, I admired the film's good intentions.

Sandler plays Workaholic architect Mike Newman. He's an ass to his kid and wife in order to sustain a career. But for any jerk to his kids, there is always a creepy guy with a remote at Bed, Bath, and Beyond to show you a glimpse of your future by using a magical remote. This remote can fast-foward over crappy moments in day, and soon it starts to create its own memory leaving Mike helpless and alone in the future.

In reality, this is a two-star movie. It has nothing new nor inventive and you will be rolling your eyes. But as a Sandler fan, it's nice to see Sandler trying to grow up. Here, he mildly delivers.

Nacho Libre

*1/2
The half star goes to Jack Black for trying his best. But unfortunately, I had to walk out.

Cars

***1/2 Stars

"Cars" is a delight from start to finish. It's skillfully executed scenes of racing and humor is more than just a technical achievement.

Lightning McQueen (voiced by Owen Wilson) is rookie bad-ass in training. On the way to the Piston Cup Championship, his truck drives him off course and finds himself detoured in the sleepy Route 66 town of Radiator Springs. McQueen gets to know the cars of the town and he begins to realize that life can be more than just who crosses the finish line first.

"Cars" is a terrific way to celebrate Pixar's 20th anniversary. All the cars in Radiator Springs reminds me of something Charles Fourier would write. For cars, it feels like a Utopia. It may lack the steam of Finding Nemo and the Toy Story's, but it doesn't cease to amaze. It's a bold contender.

The Omen

1/2 Stars

This frame by frame remake of the 1976 original is a dud- a disappointment from start to finish. I would rather take a trip to the dentist, do the cleaning myself then give my clean teeth to a dog to play with.

An American diplomat named Robert Thorn endures devastating news when his newborn son dies. Although, he doesn't tell his wife Katherine...(um, what?). I guess Thorn knows the news will devastate who had suffered two previous miscarriages. So like any other father, a priest convinces him to take another child born that night and call it his own. They call him Damien, who coincidently is the Anti-Christ. I guess the film needed a reason for it to be scary. And it is scary, the fact that a husband would do this to his wife. If the child gave that dog his teeth to play with (in the picture above), that would have been an interesting premise.

The Break Up

*** Stars

The Break Up is a depressing, frustrating, and painfully realistic. Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn act like they know what there doing. With a $38.1 million dollar opening, these two are on their way to becoming Hollywood's top bankable actors.