Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The Road

*** Stars


Viggo Mortensen is such a gifted actor. His tone and delivery is mostly the same in every movie he is in, but his presence is so strong that your eye immediately focuses on him. He brilliantly stars in the adaptation of the extremely popular Cormac McCarthy novel, about a man and his son trying to survive in a post-apocalyptic society. It’s an exhausting experience, but it will stay with you long after you’ve left. The Road is a haunting of hellish proportions.

Ninja Assassin

**1/2 stars

Ninja Assassin is 99 minutes of ninja assassins assassinating other ninjas. Sorry for the spoilers.


Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Fantastic Mr. Fox

***1/2 Stars

What a year for animated movies. Even though 3-D seems to be the way of the future, there are still some classic animation films out there that can fulfill the joys of a great family film. Look no further than Wes Anderson's Fantastic Mr. Fox, a delightful film that's as hilarious as it is ambitious. Featuring the inspired voices of George Clooney, Meryl Streep, Bill Murray, Jason Schwartzman, Willem Dafoe, and Owen Wilson, this animated gem is based off the best-selling children's book by Roald Dahl (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) about one Mr. Fox (Clooney) who rediscovers his wild animal instincts after living through 12 years of normalcy. He lives comfortably with his wife Mrs. Fox (Streep) and their son Ash (Schwartzman), but he wants to relive his glory days as a sneaky chicken thief. In doing so, he puts himself, his family, and the future of the whole animal community in jeopardy. After many midnight adventures of stealing food and drink from three eccentric farmers, Mr. Fox must gather with his animal neighbors to fight against the farmers Boggis, Bunce, and Bean, who are determined to end Mr. Fox's days once and for all. It's not so much about the overall plot that makes Fantastic Mr. Fox one of the year's best comedies, but rather the wit and cleverness that Anderson instills in almost every scene. It is the best experience cinema has to offer you this Thanksgiving. That, and you already saw New Moon.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Twilight Saga: New Moon

(I'm probably the only person who didn't put Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson in their review, because I believe this picture better describes the film than any other.)

* Star

Twilight Saga: New Moon is not a vampire movie. It's a soap opera with vampires in it. It is also not a love story. It is not even worth being called a story. What we have here is 130 minutes of pre-teen porn, a truly disgusting spectacle of falsifying true relationships for a woman's inner sustenance that should scare men of all ages. The fact that women are referring to Edward Cullen as the perfect guy is one of the scariest things I've ever heard.

I know I'm being a bit dramatic here, but so are the fans of these movies. For anyone whose girlfriend or crush wants them to be more like Edward, or Jacob, don't do it. You're just feeding their fire. The problem here is that the characters of Edward and Bella have no real reason to be in love except for the fact that author Stephanie Meyers tells you they are, when in actuality, these two people have absolutely nothing in common, to the point where they can't even talk about the weather without having a problem. And as for Jacob? Well, yes he may be good looking and muscular, but the actor playing him, Taylor Lautner, is only 17, and for me, grown women who look at this character as a sex symbol should watch To Catch a Predator to see where they could end up.

I stand by my point of view with this saga. I read and saw the first film before it became a phenomenon and I'll admit that I appreciated that there was this new wave of love stories being told for a younger generation. Young people reading again? This is a great thing. But now, the reading is gone, and it's replaced with movies that are as bad for the brain as a blade is to the heart.

The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans

***1/2 Stars

"Shoot him again."

"What for?"

"His soul is still dancing."

Remember when you loved Nicholas Cage? If not, and you want to remember, check out his electric performance in Werner Herzog's stylish tale of a bad-ass-bad-cop on the loose in post-Katrina New Orleans. While incoherency and lack of storytelling may be argued throughout several moments in Bad Lieutenant, boredom can not be. Cage is on fire here, showcasing his best performance in years, since at least Matchstick Men and Adaptation (has it been that long?) or perhaps one of the best in his career. I guess the best way for Cage too be good, is to bring out the bad.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

2012

*** Stars

I'm entering the screening of 2012 at 2pm on a Monday afternoon. I get there about five minutes early to use the bathroom and grab a water bottle. I sit down in my seat, surrounded by critics and film buffs alike. The movie starts five minutes late. No big deal. But there is no sound. Very big deal. About 6 minutes go by with no sound, so the movie shuts off and the projectionist is forced to reset the reel. All I know so far is that the sun has something to do with the apocalypse of 2012 and that Chiwetel Ejiofor is going to have more screen time that I originally thought. Ten minutes go by and the film has yet to start. Now the frustration and moans of film critics in the theater begin to surface. "Well, it's not the end of the world," one critic says. "We just missed the only scene in the movie with sound that actually has dialogue," says another.

The 2012 jokes continue. Then the movie comes back on. Then, ten minutes in, with sound and all, the film reel fails once again. And again. And AGAIN. More 2012 jokes ensue, although now it's not funny anymore. This freakin' movie was suppose to start at 2. It's now pushing 2:45. And this baby clocks in well over two-and-a-half hours. I never thought I would feel completely exhausted sitting in a movie theater.

I could write for hours about my experience with Roland Emmerich's latest doomsday flick 2012. I wanted to tell you this experience because nothing is worse when a film doesn't start on time or for that matter, doesn't work. So when 2012 started, I was pretty much in the worst mood a moviegoer could be.

Then the movie began, and I became glued to my seat.

I have been notorious for debating and discussing disaster movies. I find them fascinating. And 2012 is no different. I must have said "holy shit" at least seven times, I lost my breath once or twice during the escape scene from L.A, and I died laughing throughout Woody Harrelson's entire screen time.

There's no need to sell a plot here. You already know it. The world is ending in biblical proportions and we're going to witness it through the eyes of one family dealing with family issues. John Cusack is an inspired choice to play the hero Jackson Curtis, a divorced writer trying to re-connect with his kids. Then the world starts falling apart and they have to worry about that stuff later when there is a need for a pause in the action. Other characters include: Amanda Peet plays his ex-wife Kate, Danny Glover (why do I always laugh when I write this guy's name?) plays a fitting President. Thandie Newton is his daughter, Chiwetel Ejiofor is the scientist guy that helped figure everything out (Dennis Quaid probably realized he already played this same exact part in The Day After Tomorrow and chose not to pursue the role), Oliver Platt is the guy that doesn't care if people die so long as the continuity of the human race (including himself) continues, and Woody Harrelson plays the crazy homeless guy who turned out to be right all along about his conspiracy theories. He absolutely, without-a-doubt, steals every scene he is in.

I'm going on record by saying the following: 2012 is the ultimate disaster movie, one where its director Roland Emmerich had one goal in mine. He wanted to do this right so there would never have to be a disaster movie again. Mr. Emmerich, you have stuck true to your word and delivered the biggest disaster movie ever. It's so massive on a visual scale, I implore you to see it in the theater. The movie is corny, accidentally hilarious, full of cliches and cheesy on-liners, but I forgave the film's lousy script and bowed to its special effects. If the third act of this film hadn't fallen apart, I might have even came close to calling this a great movie instead of just a great disaster flick. I'll settle with the latter. After all, it's not the end of the world.

Friday, November 06, 2009

A Christmas Carol

*** Stars


I shouldn’t doubt Robert Zemeckis as much as I do. When I first saw the trailer to A Christmas Carol, I was supremely disappointed. It looked cartoonish and way too silly. Also, I’m still not sold on this whole 3-D phenomenon that’s seems as popular as Twilight. However, when watching A Christmas Carol, I was completely one over by Zemeckis’s masterful use of visual effects. Featuring a perfectly cast Jim Carrey, the only real complaint I have about this movie other than its story that I’ve seen a thousand times is its release date. Note to Hollywood: Christmas is December 25th, not November 6th.


The Box


** Stars

The Box is an unnecessarily complex motion picture from director Richard Kelly. The premise is much too simple and exciting for the convoluted mind of the Donnie Darko helmer. It’s the story of a 1970’s suburban couple (played by the miscast of Cameron Diaz and James Marsden) who obtain a box from a strange and anonymous man (Frank Langella) who says that if they push the button on it, they’ll receive a payment of $1 million. The catch? Someone in the world they don’t know, will die. Too bad that The Box collapses into incoherency about half way through. I’ll always find Richard Kelly’s first film fascinating, and I’m not ready to give up on him, but with Southland Tales and The Box, Kelly has yet to prove he can tell a story that makes sense.

The Fourth Kind

*1/2 stars

The Fourth Kind
is one lazy movie. Almost never have I seen a film that fills the screen with so much text and unnecessary descriptions about fake people experiencing fake alien abductions in a movie that feels, well, fake. When you have a premise that's as delicious as alien abductions, you should never have to shove the idea that what is happening on screen is actually real down an audience member's throat. Most notably in the film's first scene, where it begins with actress Milla Jovovich walking up to the camera in a dampened forest starring at you with her seductively green eyes saying the most absurd things on screen all year. "I am actress Milla Jovovich, and I will be portraying Dr. Abigail Tyler. This film is a dramatization of events that occurred October 2000. Everything in this movie is supported by archive footage. Some of what you are about to see is extremely disturbing." When I first watched the theatrical trailer, I found that to be a very interesting idea; a film that shows both the re-creation of events and the events themselves. Then I discovered that nothing in this film is real and that it's all just one big giant joke on the moviegoers of America. Now if you'll excuse us, we're heading off to a horror movie that gets it right, and it's a little big film called Paranormal Activity.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Brief Interviews with Hideous Men

** Stars

Brief Interviews with Hideous Men? More like Confessions of Overly-Dramatic Boys. And while I'll admit that isn't the best way to some up John Krasinski's ambitious but failing attempt at tackling the mind of David Foster Wallace, it certainly labels a movie that's desperately in search of a tone. For a brief 80 minutes (no irony intended) this film covers a heartbroken graduate student named Sara Quinn (Julianne Nicholson) coping with a break-up by interviewing men with loads of personal issues. I am sad to report that there is not one man in this entire film that can shed anything worth hearing, therefore ruining all possibility of relating to any situation or character. On a positive note, Krasinski does show some talent here both on and off the camera, including an interesting scene involving two men narrating a woman's heartbreak at an airport, and a very strongly acted scene where Krasinski breaks up with his girlfriend by recalling an experience of a woman who is raped while hitchhiking. However, and to be perfectly honest, it's just way too hard for me to enjoy a film where the two bests scenes in the film involve such brutality. Against both sexes.

Monday, November 02, 2009

New York, I Love You

** Stars

From the producer of Paris Je’Taime, New York, I Love You is a collage of scenes with people dealing with the emotions and situations of love, set in the all too familiar big apple. Rather than trying to connect the stories together, the film, or more appropriately this anthology, fails to even bother with the idea of structure and instead relies heavily on the magic card. What we get are enough scenes to make the length of a feature film rather than actually experiencing one. Unless you live in New York or want to see enough celebrities to fulfill your People Magazine fix for the week, there really isn’t any reason to go out and see it.

And it’s too bad, because there are many lovely moments here. The cast is lively, featuring the diverse talents of Shia Lebeouf, Robin Wright Penn, Bradley Cooper, Rachel Bilson, Orlando Bloom, Hayden Christensen, Andy Garcia, Chris Cooper, Olivia Thirlby, and many more. Yet the films witty dialogue and performances can’t overcome its frustratingly scattershot style. Instead of emotionally connecting with characters, we’re thrown into a world that feels like a taste of these celebrities and their lives. While there are some splendid shots of NYC, I wanted more of glimpse as to why the film is titled the way it is.