Battle: Los Angeles

* star

Battle: Los Angeles is a mind-numbing experience, one so full of ineptitude and incoherent action that it literally traps itself within itself. Aliens have invaded earth and it's up to a group of Marines to save the day. From what exactly, the absolute destruction of a city? Downtown L.A is already in ruins quite early in the film's storyline, yet we think a group of marines in Santa Monica has all the answers? Battle: Los Angeles becomes so compiled with trash that I started to wonder if there was anyone left on the planet fighting against these creatures besides the group we are forced to focus on.

Aaron Eckhart was born to play this kind of role. It's too bad the script lets him down. His character, Marine Staff Sergeant Michael Nantz, has just retired. BUT THEN, HE IS FORCED TO GO BACK TO WORK TO FIGHT OFF ALIEN INVADERS! AH! Sorry for the corny explanation. But that's what Battle: Los Angeles entails: corny explanations followed by moments of loud explosions. Repeat this concept a dozen times and you got yourself a certifiable March madness movie that's sure to open above $30 million. Luckily for the film and the financiers behind it, they banked on the stupidity of the American public.

I almost feel jealous for Michael Nantz, because he had the opportunity to both retire and then come back to be the hero of heroes. In the real world, you're lucky if you can just retire. But enough banter of the film's relativity towards modern society, because that's certainly not what the intent of the film is. If anyone knows what the real intent is, let me know and I will credit you of your findings in this review.

I'm all for alien invasion movies. All I ask from the aliens is a reason for the attack and all I want from the humans is for them to be smart enough to be able to detect the millions of falling spaceships crashing to earth that apparently satellites can't pick up. Sure, they think they're just meteors at first. But even if that were the case, why would people take that news so nonchalantly? Meteors can be just as if not more dangerous than the actual aliens, so why does it have to be another race that we are so scared of?

Actually, I wouldn't even call these aliens a race. They look like leftover junk parts from movies like I, Robot, Independence Day, District 9, and every other alien/robot invasion movie ever made. I have mentioned before that my big complaint about Hollywood right now is their lack of timing in releasing event movies. Everything is either in the summer or holiday season. So while I was excited to see what could have been a fun blockbuster in March, Battle: Los Angeles drops the storytelling bar even lower than what it already was. Thus, Hollywood deserves to be in the slump that it's in.

March 2011 has given us Battle: Los Angeles, Sucker Punch, and the election of Chris Dodd as the chief lobbyist for the Motion Picture Association of America. April 2011 has Fast Five scheduled as its biggest movie premiere. The hope that a great movie which will save the industry seems to be scheduled far away into the distant future. Hopefully in that time, it will not include a Battle: Los Angeles sequel named after another city.

The Adjustment Bureau

**1/2 stars

Matt Damon seems to have the unfortunate luck of being in promising, but eventually delayed movies. Last year, he was fantastic in the very underrated and horribly marketed war thriller, Green Zone. That film was original tentative for a fall 2009 release, which means a potential awards contender. However, it was bumped back to March to due unknown reasons. Well, not really unknown, but the educated guess would be that studios suggested the film could make more money in a less aggressive movie season. They were wrong. The movie opened to $14 million and became a flop for Universal. It's sad because it was one of the best movies of 2010.

Now, here's The Adjustment Bureau, another delayed Matt Damon movie bumped to an early March release date. However, this film does not follow the same merit Green Zone deserved, and instead is a harmless romantic science-fiction thriller about old men with cool hats who monitor the entire planet. My guess about its delay would be because the theatrical trailer resembled another film you may have heard of called Inception, and at the time, who the hell wanted to compete with that? The Sorcerer's Apprentice was supposed to be the counter-programming of Inception and look how that turned out (it was one of the biggest bombs of last year). In the end, counter-programming for Inception is like saying 3D works for every movie.

The Adjustment Bureau is loosely based off the Philip K. Dick short story, Adjustment Team. Damon plays up-and-coming politician David Norris, who is on his way to becoming one of the country's leading leaders. I say that in ridiculous fashion because there's no real indication as to what his end goal is (until the end twist which I certainly won't give away) so for now, just go with the fact that David Norris is about to have his dreams come crashing down because of every person's kryptonite: love.

David meets a beautiful dancer named Elise Sellas (Emily Blunt) in a bathroom after a tough election defeat. Instantly, they connect. This is believable because of the talents of Damon and Blunt, who share the chemistry necessary to pull off this attraction in a matter of moments.

The twist in this romance is that they were never supposed to see each other again after their first encounter. We discover that the Adjustment Bureau, basically a group dressed like extras in Mad Men, control and monitor the entire world, meaning that everything must go according to plan. Their plan. What's suitable, yet bittersweet is director George Nolfi's choice to take the simpler approach and basically uses only this mythology to tell the story. David and Elise aren't supposed to be together because it's not apart of the plan. Defying complex explanations allows more authenticity to our modern society, where us regular people do not know what the plan is created by those above us. The result is a relevant and mildly entertaining thriller.

Although with this simplicity comes missed opportunities. I wanted to know why David Norris was the spotlight on this. Why a politician? Why must the fate of the world rest on just two people and their love? I would have liked The Adjustment Bureau's ending to have given us more than just a wild-goose chase, something many films stoop to as the cowardly way out.

Rango

***1/2 stars

The fact that Rango is the best film so far in 2011 is bittersweet. Sure, it's Gore Verbinski's best movie to date, Johnny Depp is perfectly cast, and it's an absolute refreshing experience of animated imagination. However, the fact that this is the best movie so far this year is a sure sign of Hollywood's weakness. This is not a negative comment on Rango, but a disappointed moviegoer who is clinging on to any positive emotions he can.

Back to the film. What a weirdly creative and wildly uncontrollable ride this is. Depp brings his usual offbeat charisma to his chameleon character Rango, a hero without a story, so says the owl mariachi band who give us the breakdown fourth wall style. When Rango is thrown into chaos by flying out of the pet life and into a wild one (a bump in the road throws him out of his owner's movie vehicle), he hits the Mojave desert to search for the Spirit of the West. Upon his journey, he discovers Dirt, an old and small western town made up of desert animals. Because of his initial actions of playing tough in front of a dirty bar crowd, he receives the honor of becoming the Sheriff of Dirt. But when the town is low on its water supply, Rango is thrown into a world of corruption. He wants to know why the Mayor of Dirt, who is a turtle, is not worried about the water supply. Is he up to no good? Picture Fievel Goes West meets The Man With No Name. The latter here especially considering when Rango meets the Spirit of the West. You'll know what I'm talking about when you see it.

What's fascinating about Rango and its mythology is how this chameleon living in modern society discussing his own story about being a hero is shoved into the morals of a past century, and through his knowledge of the modern world, he fits the role of the genius outsider, even though it couldn't be farther from the truth. The film's message is simple: so long as you are given the opportunity, you have a chance to achieve your destiny and discover your own Spirit of the West. Rango's fate was decided by a bump in the road, something that we can all relate to.

Note: Rango is an even finer film for refusing 3D and sticking to its roots in 2D. Hopefully, many others will follow suit.

Hall Pass

** stars

In this light and harmless Farrelly Brothers comedy, Hall Pass seems to be obsessed with its premise: two guys who get a week off from marriage to do whatever they want. You know what that means. Get ready for the desperation to have sex with other women.

Unfortunately, the movie fails to deliver the amount of laughs it promises. Instead, it settles for a mild amusing romp starring Jason Sudeikis and a miscast Owen Wilson.

Wilson seems to be mailing it in here. I think this is the wrong movie for him. Wilson is great when playing more of a sidekick (Zoolander, Meet the Parents), but when he takes on the lead, the pressure falls on him for laughs. With that, his monotonic awkwardness starts to occupy the screen rather than what he is actually saying.

Perhaps this film is geared towards a slightly older audience. Not maturer, but older. This is a story about two guys named Rick (Wilson) and Fred (Sudeikis) who are obsessed with sex, but haven't actually experienced it in a long time. Their wives, Maggie (Jenna Fischer) and Grace (Christina Applegate) notice this, and after an embarrassing afternoon at a friends house when the guys are overheard talking about gratuitous sex, they find no other way to fix the problem than to just let the husbands take a week of from marriage. But are they doing it for their husband or for themselves?

I like this idea, however the slow execution by the Farrelly Brothers puts the flame out before the fire gets hot. We get glimpses of funny scenes, but they never really take off. In one amusing sequence, Rick and Fred join their guy friends for a lovely day of golf, on brownies. This is one of many scenes that has a very funny premise, but fails to heighten them above the obvious. We know taking brownies will make you act goofy, but not always stereotypically goofy the way they are portrayed in this film.

Perhaps I was looking for a more raunchy experience. When you have a premise like this, live up to it. While the morality of these characters is the key ingredient to them growing-up, I feel as though they held back on the gratuity for all the wrong reasons. In Todd Phillips The Hangover, the three lead characters were put through immoral situations, and the only way for those characters to get through them (without falling from grace) was to take as much morality back with them as they could. In Hall Pass, Rick and Fred were questioning their morality from the start, and because of that, we knew that they weren't going to do what they set out to do.

I think the Farrelly Brothers are still important comedic filmmakers. Comedies are becoming less and less relevant these days, and there have been worst comedies as of late than this. In the end, at least Hall Pass didn't Just Go With It.

Oscar Recap: Enough with the Fatigue

Well, what do you know: the Oscars have been widely panned.

The real confusion for me is the part of the program that's being panned, and that is that it was "too boring". I think people who look at the Oscars as a scripted form of entertainment need to rethink the real reason behind it all, and that it's a pan because of who took home the big prize.

This is not trash talk against The King's Speech. This is against the Academy for not recognizing the importance of a win for The Social Network. This is a film that will be remembered as an iconic capture of a moment in time. A "generation movie" so to speak. For that, I am left saddened that David Fincher and his film did not take home the prize with best adapted screenplay winner Aaron Sorkin. Instead, it went to the film that will be forgotten about once the hype dissipates.

So how non-sober was James Franco? Whatever he was on, at least he looked more relaxed than any other host in the past decade. Anne Hathaway tried her best, but seemed to be on the other end of Franco. However, I think it's time to look for hosts who are more entertainers than movie stars. And if the Academy is thinking what I think it's thinking, bringing back Billy Crystal will not redeem the show. We need someone who is not connected with the inner circle of the Oscars. Ricky Gervais was a perfect fit for the Globes. The Academy needs to find someone like him who will spice things up. The unpredictably that makes this show so great has been missing for a while. Are people/the FCC so conservative about television that improvisation is considered offensive? I think if they want to stick with a movie star, why not someone witty like Robert Downey Jr.? Sherlock Holmes 2 comes out at the end of the year, so maybe a Robert Downey/Jude Law combo will occur.

It's always a sad day, the day after the Oscars. It's as though the movie spirit disappears, only to reappear again when it's necessary. I wish there were more consistency in Hollywood. I want to know there is something to look forward to before the summer season (and even that is tough to say with the presumably weak line-up this year) that will keep my movie-loving heart beating and movie-hating heart at bay.

That is, until the release of Fast Five.

The Academy Awards Column: Predictions, Analysis, & Passion

The 83rd Annual Academy Awards

If there's at least one positive thing I can say about the AMPAS this year, it's that they picked the right films for Best Picture. While I'm still disappointed only one comedy was nominated (and in reality, The Kids Are All Right can be considered a drama), every film is worthy of its nomination. In terms of who will actually win, it's between The Social Network and The King's Speech. In terms of who got the shaft (again) is Christopher Nolan. What does the man have to do to get a nomination? In terms of predictions, here they are...

Best Picture

Nominees: Black Swan, The Fighter, Inception, The Kids Are All Right, The King's Speech, The Social Network, Toy Story 3, True Grit, Winter's Bone

Who Will Win: The Social Network
Why? Because it has to. Sure, The King's Speech has the same chance of winning (and it won't be a surprise to me if it wins) and the average voter in the academy is nowhere near the demographic of The Social Network, but this is landmark movie. It captures the here and now in such profound ways that it truly is a once-in-a-generation film. I know this sounds like conjecture in terms of who will win, but if the Academy doesn't recognize these terms, it will be forever regretful.

Who Should Win: The Social Network
Even though I gave Inception the best movie of the year (plus I gave up on its chance once Christopher Nolan was insultingly snubbed), I think The Social Network is the movie that needs to establish the benchmark. Citizen Kane failed to win in 1941, so why make another mistake now?

Best Director

Nominees: Darren Aronofsky (Black Swan), Joel & Ethan Coen (True Grit), David Fincher (The Social Network), Tom Hooper (The King's Speech), David O. Russell (The Fighter)

Who will win: David Fincher
Because even if The King's Speech takes it, the academy cannot afford to not recognize what Fincher did. He took an impossible premise for a movie and made it real. Aaron Sorkin will get his with an Adapted Screenplay win, but it would be nothing without how Fincher brought it to life.

Who should win: David Fincher.
For the same reasons.

Best Actor

Nominees: Javier Bardem (Biutiful), Jeff Bridges (True Grit), Jesse Eisenberg (The Social Network), Colin Firth (The King's Speech), James Franco (127 Hours)

Who will win: Colin Firth
There's no arguments here. This is his year.

Who should win: Colin Firth
This is his time.

Best Actress

Nominees: Annette Benning (The Kids Are All Right), Nicole Kidman (Rabbit Hole), Jennifer Lawrence (Winter's Bone), Natalie Portman (Black Swan), Michelle Williams (Blue Valentine)

Who will win: Natalie Portman
Even though Annette Benning may pull the veteran card and take her long overdue Oscar, I think Portman has the advantage of letting everyone know that she is on top of the world. Black Swan is a $100 million hit and I think it's a much stronger contender than what people have come to perceive. With the overwhelming support of the film, it looks like Portman is about to top the top of the world she is already on.

Who should win: Natalie Portman
She completely engulfed herself in the role. And now, it will completely payoff.

Best Supporting Actor

Nominees: Christian Bale (The Fighter), John Hawkes (Winter's Bone), Jeremy Renner (The Town), Mark Ruffalo (The Kids Are All Right), Geoffrey Rush (The King's Speech)

Who will win: Christian Bale
He gives the performance of the year in one of the best acted movies of the year. His portrayal of Dicky Eklund is nothing short of a revelation. Finally, this is his year of recognition.

Who should win: Christian Bale
What don't you f****** understand?

Best Supporting Actress

Nominees: Amy Adams (The Fighter), Helena Bonham Carter (The King's Speech), Melissa Leo (The Fighter), Hailee Steinfeld (True Grit), Jacki Weaver (Animal Kingdom)

Who will win: Melissa Leo
Even though she's off-putting voters with an aggressive campaign, Leo has the advantage of playing a standout character. And it's not just the hair.

Who should win: Melissa Leo
This is almost by default. Leo isn't a clear winner, she just barely edges out the competition.

Best Adapted Screenplay
Nominees: Danny Boyle & Simon Beaufoy (127 Hours), Aaron Sorkin (The Social Network), Michael Amdt. (Toy Story 3), Joel & Ethan Coen (True Grit), Debra Granik & Anne Rosellini (Winter's Bone)

Who will win: Aaron Sorkin
Is there anything more sweet to the ears than Aaron Sorkin dialogue? This is a rapid fire script that is tightly written and beautifully executed. This is a combination the Academy can't ignore.

Who should win: Aaron Sorkin
Usually I get turned off when one movie dominates the whole night, but when it's deserving, there's nothing sweeter. Sorkin all the way.

Best Original Screenplay
Mike Leigh (Another Year), Scott Silver & Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson (The Fighter), Christopher Nolan (Inception), Lisa Cholodenko & Stuart Blumberg (The Kids Are All Right), David Seldler (The King's Speech)

Who will win: David Seldler
Because the Academy has The King's Speech in frontrunner status, therefore knocking everything else out by default.

Who should win: Christopher Nolan
The fact that he wasn't nominated for Best Director is more than shameful. It doesn't make any sense. Yet somehow, the Academy still has a chance of redeeming itself. Don't expect a Nolan win here, but if they ever want the good graces from fans again, this is where they can get it.

2010 was a robust year for movies, but the Oscars are always something special, regardless. I am proud to say that every movie nominated for Best Picture is worthy of its status. I just hope the right movie walks away with the prize. To The Social Network, I hope you take it all.

2011: What Happened To My New Year's Resolution?

Less than two months ago, I made a New Year's resolution that I would be more optimistic about movies. Then I saw Season of the Witch. I joked it off. Then I saw The Green Hornet, which wasn't terrible by any means, but certainly nothing worth rushing to the theaters for. Biutiful was certainly beautiful in many ways, but that's a 2010 release so it technically doesn't count. Then last night, I witnessed Just Go With It. Not only was it a cadaverous experience, it was an eye-opening one.

I can now feel what I use to only see: today's movies have hit rock bottom. At least for me anyways. I won't rant, but it's just very hard to stay optimistic when movies like Just Go With It are being released successfully. Obviously, product-placement and marketing specific demographics are nothing new, but how much sadder can it get? Let me explain.

Just Got With It is an Adam Sandler comedy released on Valentine's Day weekend with a sexy co-star who shares the movie poster with the actor in which they are in a tropical environment where he is fashioning a goofy smile and she is displaying a melancholy look. It means the two characters will experience "funny" hell before they live happily ever after. Here is the poster:

Doesn't this remind you of another Adam Sandler comedy released on Valentine's Day weekend with a sexy co-star who shares the movie poster with the actor in which they are in a tropical environment where he is fashioning a goofy smile and she is displaying a melancholy look? And that it means the two characters will experience "funny" hell before they live happily ever?.....

Did I mention that both taglines are totally lame too?

50 First Dates isn't a terrible movie. In fact, it was very appropriate for the holiday when it was released back in 2004. However, that doesn't change the fact that whoever is marketing Just Go With It is purposely duping the public into going to the same movie they saw seven years ago. Sure, the premise is slightly different, but where do studio executives get off? When their movie open to $30 million? I hope that is satisfying enough, because there could easily be a passable film here like 50 First Dates (which opened to $40 million), but instead, we see Sandler (and company) having a great time in paradise collecting a hefty payday.

I guess this is all pretty irrelevant considering the success of this movie, but I hope next time we moviegoers look at these similarities and take them to heart. I know I have. I used to go into any movie regardless of what it was and enjoyed just being at the theater.

But with no upcoming movie really worth getting excited for, I guess I have to just go with it.

Nudity in Movies...

Necessary or Distracting?

In the past few months, my girlfriend Katelyn and I have been frequently discussing the topic of nudity in films and whether or not it is necessary to the story. This began by discussing the controversial scene in Darren Aronofsky's Black Swan where Natalie Portman's character has a wild sexual encounter with another female (Mila Kunis). While we disagreed on many aspects of this discussion, we were both trying to answer the same question: in what cinematic situations is nudity called for, and when is it not?

So I decided to create a list of movies that succeed in using nudity to enhance the story, and others that, well, do not. This also includes sexual acts that may not necessarily show the actual body part, but certainly show the action of doing it. (I will rate the necessity of nudity on a scale of 1-10.)

We'll start with positivity...

Five Movies That Get It Right

American Pie (1999)

I know it's not the best use of nudity ever, but in terms of enhancing the story, it was too hard to ignore this 1999 teenage phenomenon about a group of high-school seniors who try to lose their virginity before college. Now, the Weitz Brother's could have opted for a PG-13 rating and played it safe, but in 1999, the teenage comedy was almost dead and there was no reason to really go out of your way to see one in the theaters. Until now! American Pie was a huge step in the liberation of nudity in movies. The Shannon Elizabeth/Jason Biggs "sex scene" (or whatever you want to call it) is as funny as it is a movie landmark. Whether you enjoy nudity in films or not, there is no denying that this film would have failed without the abundance of nudity. How can you tell a story about losing your virginity without showing what you need to do that? Of course there are no close-ups of any male or female genitalia, but it avoids the mistake of censoring everything, and shows what it needs to let audiences know that nudity is apart of growing up, for better or worse.

Necessary Rating: 8/10

A History of Violence (2005)

David Cronengerg's mindblowing drama was one of the best movies of 2005, and one of the big reasons for that is because of its controversial sex scene between Viggo Mortensen and Mario Bello. The movie has been around for a while so I don't think this is a spoiler (although if you haven't seen it and want to know the story for yourself, skip this part). After finding out her husband is not who he says he is (that's putting it nicely), she is torn between forgiving him and leaving him. But before she can do any of that, the two engage in a crazy sex scene on the stairs in their home that's not rape or forced (because she eventually sanctions it), but that we know she is still attracted to this man. However, once its over, she leaves without saying a word. It's all physical from here, and I think he realizes that seems to be the only thing left between them. It's a stunner of a scene that utilizes its setting on the stairs to show a stalemate in their relationship. She goes up the stairs after its over. Does he go down? Watch the movie if you haven't seen it. You will be riveted.

Necessary Rating: 9/10

Last Tango in Paris (1973)

This is so strange. In the process of writing this article, I went on to the Internet Movie Database (IMDB) to cross-check some credits and to learn more about its stars. Upon doing so, I see a news flash that the film's star Maria Schneider has passed away. It was an eerie coincidence, one that it now impossible for me to shake off. In this movie, Roger Ebert called the sex scenes "not sex at all, just a physical function of the soul's desperation." Couldn't have said it better myself Roger. This is considered one of the most controversial movies ever, and for good reason. If you have a closed mind, avoid this one, unless you want it opened up.

Necessary Rating: 10/10

The Dreamers (2003)

A fascinating, but exhausting sexual adventure about an American (Michael Pitt, now from Boardwalk Empire fame) studying in France who befriends a brother and sister during the 1968 student riots. I saw this movie for the first time when I was 15 and barely understood any of it. Watching it again in college made me look at it very differently. The movie is pure escapism, and in order to capsize on this American's fantasy, the viewer must be overwhelmed by how far sexually he is willing to go to feel that escape. While I'll admit the sexual content overbears almost anything else in the movie, the performances and controversial scenes make for one fascinating account of someones sexual desires.

Necessary Rating: 9/10

Requiem for a Dream (2000)

Now, obviously there isn't any sex in this movie that one can enjoy. In fact, this movie contains one of the most disturbing scenes I've ever seen. However, it's for that reason that this movie makes the list. In the finale sequence, a character struggling with a serious drug addiction (played by Jennifer Connelly) sinks so low to get a fix that she's even willing to fornicate with another woman in front of an entire crowd of ruthless men just to get it. The only way we can truly feel the horror of this woman's actions is by physically showing what she's doing. It is a stunning portrait of addiction, one that literally creates the image of the lowest point in a person's life, and while it's happening, she knows exactly this. Anyone will tell you this movie is not for the squirmish, but for everyone else, it's a triumph.

Necessary Rating: 10/10

Five Movies That...Don't

Splice (2010)

Adrien Brody has sex with an alien. And they show it. What else do you need to know?

Necessary Rating: 2/10

Hollow Man (2000)

Note to studio executives- Invisible rape does not sell a movie, but that's one of the big scenes in this Kevin Bacon thriller, or should I say disaster. Not only are we watching a woman get rapped, but we're suppose to get some disgusting feeling that this is someones fantasy because she can't see who the rapist is? Literally? The only way to get through this is to notice the cheesiness of how its shot. If that's the case, game over.

Necessary Rating: 1/10

The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

I enjoyed this crazy sci-fi sequel to the 1999 smash, but the Wachowski Brothers display a side to the human race only underground clubs should show. I understand they were trying to display the liberation of human sexuality, but did it have to be shown through a naked cave rave? That or Keanu Reeves and Carrie Ann-Moss showing off their beyond obvious awkwardness during a sex scene?

Necessary Rating: 3/10

The Human Centipede (2010)

What's wrong with the way this film displays nudity? Or better yet, everything? The answer is...EVERYTHING!

Necessary Rating: 0/10

Munich (2005)

Spielberg tries to create such fear in one man's eyes that he literally can't even have sex with his pregnant wife without those fears returning to his head. It's a bold scene, but it comes out of nowhere, in a movie that forgets the story it was trying to tell in the first place.

Necessary Rating: 4/10

Bruno (2009)

Too much penis. Not enough humor. When you have to mimic a website called MeatSpin.com to get a laugh, it's not only desperate, it's sad.

Necessary Rating: 3/10

This is just a taste of countless films that explore sexuality. I for one find it perfectly acceptable for a filmmaker to display the human body, so long as it has a reason to be in it. Wild Things can be considered a joke of a movie, but does the nudity make it better? I think so, and not just because of that epic pool scene. But did About Schmidt need a naked Kathy Bates in a hot tub? I think not. That is clearly a distraction. But everyone feels differently. And that's perfectly acceptable. Political beliefs, parental figures, where you live, and who you see the movie with are all factors in how one reacts to a scene.

I watched Last Tango in Paris during college after a class where we discussed the end of the Production Code, so I was clearly looking at the film from an educational standpoint. It's a movie I think any aspiring filmmaker should see, but I certainly wouldn't recommend it to a family member or someone like that. In a perfect world, I wish everyone was able to realize that nudity is a part of life, but then again, there are also films that can bring the human body back fifty years. For example, if anyone enjoyed the nudity in The Human Centipede, I see a therapist in your short future.

Californication: Season 4 Episode 2 "Suicide Solution"

"Suicide Solution"
(Aired on January 16th, 2011)

What would I do without the best show on television?

You don't get greenlit for another season after one episode for no reason. After the biggest premiere in the show's history, one might be hesitant (at first) about a season's second episode, because it can make or break many people's opinions about how the rest of the season will play out. For someone who has seen every episode up until now, the first two episodes of the fourth season have been tonally perfect.

No other actor on television is more underrated than David Duchovny, who has yet to receive the awards recognition he once did in the show's first season. Picking up right where last episode left off, we see Hank Moody (Duchovny) slouching it with Marcy and Charlie in their divorced household. Of course, Marcy wakes up next to Hank. Of course, he is naked. And of course, Charlie has to walk in naked with a cricket paddle. After the awkward situation laughs itself away, Charlie suggests a threesome, a suggestion that sends Marcy running out of the room with her hand over her mouth.

Back to the A-story. Last week's episode ended with Hank getting charged with statutory rape. His hotshot lawyer, Abby Rhodes (Carla Gugino) wants to help him, but she insists Hank is no more than any other Hollywood jackass who thinks it's fine to californicate with a teenager. Hank pleads his case again, insisting that the now legendary Mia set him up. Which by the way, we should be expecting a cameo from her soon, right? Maybe if she told everyone what really happened none of this would be happening to Hank? Or maybe, especially to his once life partner Karen and emotional bliss daughter Becca, it doesn't matter. Maybe it's time Hank needs to start taking responsibility for his actions. Either way, he needs to grow up. Fast.

Now just because his personal life is in the shambles doesn't mean his career is. Hank is now the screenwriter for Fucking and Punching. He meets the actor who will be playing him in the movie. His name is Eddie Nero (a hysterical Rob Lowe), an extreme version of a Brad Pitt/Colin Ferrell going haywire, and although he may be an entertaining personally, Hank describes him as everything he hates about Hollywood. Look out for some very witty and vulgar banter between these two in the episodes to come.

And if that's not already twisted enough, the actress who is playing Mia is now boy crazy for Hank. She's seduces him again. Being smart for the first time in a while, Hank turns her down, but not quite all the way. He finds some pills in her bathroom, and by the end of the episode, we see him in the position that both make and brake Hank, his words. He writes Becca a letter, and by the time he's done writing it, he hits the floor, overdosed from life.

How will he fare out after this one? Fine out on Showtime this Sunday at 9pm.

Californication: Season 4 Episode 1 "Exile on Main Street"

"Exile on Main Street"
(Aired on January 9th, 2011)

When I discovered Californication, it was right after the first season ended. I watched the whole thing On Demand in one sitting. It was some of the best cable television I had ever seen. Then season two came, and while it was still enjoyable, the magic slowly faded into season three. Then, after the finale last year, I remained faithful for season four. I'm glad I did, because this season's premiere was one of its best episodes yet.

After being arrested for assault and battery on a police officer, Hank Moody (David Duchovny) hits rock bottom. His family despises him for sleeping with Mia (even though we know he didn't know she was under 18, plus that he was framed by her and her agent about the book she stole from him), but his career is bouncing back. He's been offered to write the screenplay for the movie based off his book called Fucking and Punching. His agent Charlie Runkle is more than happy to see his best friend and once all-star client get back in the game, but by the end of the episode, things take a turn for the worst when Hank is charged with statutory rape.

Despite the heavy theme, the show is as funny as it's ever been and the road that is being paved for Hank seems to be an interesting one. His lawyer, played by Carla Gugino, is either going to be a fun addition to the storyline or a potential distraction. For now, it's not even close to the latter.

Watch the fourth season of the Showtime series Californication on Sundays at 9pm.

Catching Up With Movies From 2010

The Fighter: **** stars

If anyone is feeling the love for second chances, it's the director of The Fighter, David O.Russell. Here is a man who before this movie, seemed to be down-and-out. Not only is he up-and-in with this fantastic real life drama about Irish boxer Micky Ward (Mark Wahlberg) of Lowell, Massachusetts and his struggles of dealing with family ties and professional disappointments, he delivers one of the best movies of the year. Micky's brother Dickie Eklund, the man who knocked Sugar Ray Leonard down (or did he trip?) has spiraled down to rock-bottom with his crack addiction. The performance of the year belongs to Christian Bale. His portrayal of Dickie is nothing short of a revelation. Every mannerism and word spoken by Bale is not only played to perfection, but his supporting role often becomes the key focus of the movie. Dickie was once hailed as the Pride of Lowell for years. Unfortunately, his addiction eclipses any sign of the man everyone once knew. Micky and Dickie's mother Alice (a phenomenal Melissa Leo) is not only one of the most overbearing mother's in recent film history, but also a ruthless manager. She feels Micky can't do anything without her or Dickie. Through this, Mickey starts to question whether or not they have the best intentions for him. He meets a pretty local named Charlene (Amy Adams) and through her love and support, he realizes that it's time to start taking control of his own life. The journey is exhilarating. The Fighter is no doubt the best film of the holiday season.

Tron: Legacy: **1/2 stars

Here is an unique example of how visuals and music can create more of an emotional impact than the actual story. Tron: Legacy, a sequel to the 1982 box-office flop (but did receive positive reviews) is a visually stunning spectacle with an amazing soundtrack by Daft Punk. Other than that, there really isn't much here for story. It's great to see Jeff Bridges rule the holidays with this and True Grit, but even he can't save Tron: Legacy from its cheesy one-liners and underachieved plot. If you're looking for an IMAX-3D fix, look no further. Anything more than that, like seeing Jeff Bridges, head over to the next movie on this list...

True Grit: ***1/2 stars

Lately, The Coen Brothers are the only filmmakers on the planet who deliver not just on every movie but literally every year. Since 2007, they have given us No Country For Old Men, Burn After Reading, A Serious Man, and now True Grit, a remake of the 1969 John Wayne western. Jeff Bridges re-teams with his Big Lebowski duo and delivers a oddly captivating performance. Featuring Matt Damon, Josh Brolin, and newcomer Hailee Steinfeld, the cast is electric. Bridges plays Rooster Cogburn, a stubborn old man who helps young girl Mattie Ross (Steinfeld) track down her father's killer. Texas Ranger Lebouf (Damon) comes along for the ride, but not without troubles. Through the journey, his alliances are challenged. Once they discover Mattie's killer Tom Chaney (Brolin), the film takes unexpected turns that shows the Coen Brother's faithfulness to the original film and to their ultimate mission to challenge an audience. While I found the ending to be a little abrupt and slightly out-of-place from the rest of the story, I did enjoy the unique vision of the Coen Brothers. The movie has already steamed pass the $100 million mark, indicating that people still want to see Westerns. The genre never really died, the Coen Brothers just brought the life it needed back into it to survive.

The King's Speech: **** stars

In the past couple weeks, I had this gut-wrenching feeling that I wasn't going to be able to see this movie until after the Academy Awards. I'm so thankful that I finally saw it. Colin Firth is on his way to a possible Oscar with his portrayal of King George VI of Britain. In the decade leading up to World War II, King George VI came to power after his fathered passed away and after his brother gave up the throne for love. Although he is now is power, he suffers from a serious speaking deficiency. His stutter has limited his voice to the world, and in a time where his country (and even the world) seemed to be in unrest, they needed a leader who sounded like a one. His wife, Queen Elizabeth (Helena Bonham Carter) seeks out help from a controversial speech therapist Lionel Logue (Geoffrey Rush) who helps the monarch create a voice for the people, and for himself. The conversations between these two characters are heartfelt, sincere, and fascinatingly real. At first, I was hesitant over all the buzz this film was receiving. I didn't know what to expect. But once Colin Firth took to the screen, I was hooked. He is turning in the best work of his career, which is something I thought would be impossible after his tour de force performance in A Single Man. If this film is playing in a theater near you, see it. It will please an audience of any age.

Good Riddance: 2010 is over, but...

...we must look for hope in 2011.

Right? I mean, that's the only way it works. You reflect, then move on. There is no reason for me to remind you again about my feelings towards the year 2010 for movies. However, I must acknowledge both sides: the best and the worst of 2010.

Let's start out positive. Here are the best films of 2010. (Note*: I still haven't seen a handful of films that could potentially make this list, including The King's Speech, Winter's Bone, Blue Valentine, Inside Job, Waiting for Superman, Rabbit Hole etc. But I feel it's more important to stay relevant and get this list finished while it's still the new year).

10. I'm Still Here

Joaquin Phoenix has more of a chance at actually becoming the rapper he portrayed in I'm Still Here than winning Oscar for it, but that doesn't change the fact that it's one of the best performances of the year. Not only because people bought into it, but that him and director Casey Affleck were able to fool people for as long as they set out to do. If they made one false move, the hoax would have came out long ago and this documentary experiment would be nonexistent. I saw this film long before I found out it was a hoax and I won't deny that there were moments that felt true. This is a stunning portrait of a darker Hollywood, one that is incredibly relevant and in this case, utterly fascinating.

9. Enter the Void

If I rated the best films of the year in terms of entertainment, Enter the Void would be closer to the worst than the best. It has a longevity to it that is very difficult to shake off, but somehow it's also one of its most important assets. Director Gaspar Noe creates an abstract portrait of a glimpse of the afterlife through the eyes of a drug-dealer in Japan who watches over his sister. The journey is exhausting, but I found myself revisiting it a second time trying to dissect it. And then a third time. For anyone looking for a film ready to shake up the rules, visit Enter the Void, an acid trip not for the squirmish.

8. The Ghost Writer

Roman Polanski may have had a terrible year personally, but professionally, he's at the top of his game with The Ghost Writer, a taut and very intelligent thriller about a ghost writer (played by Ewan McGregor) whose been hired by former UK Prime Minister Adam Lang (Pierce Brosnan) to write his memoirs. Along the way, we find more about this politician than meets the eye. A breathtaking ending highlights a highly captivating story about the consequences of corruption.

7. The Fighter

David O. Russell's best movie features quite possibly the best performance of the year. Christian Bale's portrayal of Dicky Eklund is a revelation and it's sure to give the overdue actor his first Oscar nomination. Who else in the supporting category matches the caliber of Bale? I would say this is his race to lose. Amy Adams and Melissa Leo are fantastic in their supporting roles, with Adams playing Micky Ward's (Mark Wahlberg) girlfriend and Leo playing the overbearing mother. This is a riveting story about fighting to the end. The title The Fighter may be generic, but no other title could be more appropriate. This is a wonderful surprise of a movie and the best commercial film of the holiday season.

6. The Kids Are All Right

Don't be fooled by its nomination for Best Comedy at the Golden Globes. This sharp and smartly written portrait of the contemporary family (or non-contemporary, depending on how you look at it) is as much a rich drama as it is a relevant comedy. Annette Benning and Julianne Moore are on fire together as a lesbian couple whose children wish to meet their sperm donor dad. It may sound like a sitcom premise, but in actuality, nothing could be farther from the truth. Benning is especially great here, whose character must struggle with the idea of her partner's betrayal and must rediscover the importance of family and forgiveness. If nothing else, you are looking at the best independent film of the year. In anything else, well, I can't praise this film enough.

5. 127 Hours

I am little disappointed 127 Hours hasn't been recognized as much as other films this awards season. Instead, it's been riding solo highlighting James Franco's performance of Aaron Ralston, the man who literally got stuck between a rock and a hard place and freed himself 127 hours later by cutting of his arm. While you could picture this cinematic experience exhausting, believe me, by the end, I was begging for more (perhaps that's why I saw it twice). Franco delivers a performance he's been teasing for years. I always knew he was very talented, but here his talent is out on full display. Danny Boyle continues his tremendous vision while maintaining his unique style. Every film in my top five could be number one, so don't let the numbers fool you. This is an unforgettable film.

4. Toy Story 3

In my original review of the film when it was released back in June, I wrote:

"Toy Story 3 is more than genius. It is more than a movie. It is a return to your childhood for infinity and beyond, all within a smooth running time of 109 minutes. Call me premature, overemotional, or even illogical, but Pixar’s Toy Story 3 is one of the greatest sequels of all time, one of the greatest animated movies of all time, and far and away the best film so far this year. Not only does the third chapter in one of the greatest of all franchises match (and perhaps exceed) its predecessors, it has even changed my views on sequels. Some work, some don’t. But Toy Story 3 is the nail in the coffin in the debate that as long as you have a captivating story with characters an audience cares about, sequels can forever work. So too bad for you Iron Man 2, you can go to hell Sex and the City 2, and no one cares about you anymore Shrek Forever After, as we have reached the movie that has saved the year of 2010."

I stand corrected. This is a marvel gem. Pixar is unstoppable. Everything you've heard about this film is true. It's technically flawless. I'm ranting. But it's true. All of these short sentences mean that I have too many excited thoughts in my head. All of them positive. All of them...exuberant.

3. Black Swan

Black Swan is Darren Aronofsky at his most untamed brilliance. Natalie Portman gives the performance of her career as a ballerina dancer who receives the title role in the show Swan Lake, and soon after becomes the victim of her own mind when she spirals down a bumpy road of psychological terror! As the film progresses, so do your fears. This is a finely tuned suspense thriller that acts as both a human drama and an absurd thriller. This movie sucks the life out of you and replaces it with more than you can bare. Do not think for a second that this statement is anything but positive.

2. The Social Network

In terms of relevance, The Social Network is the most important film of the year. Like I said before, all of these films in the top five could easily be number one. So don't think that in giving this movie the second spot that I'm taking anything away from this incredibly written piece by Aaron Sorkin, this audaciously directed film by David Fincher, and this perfectly acted drama by its stars. Jesse Eisenberg must surely receive a Best Actor nomination as Mark Zuckerberg, a person who has gone from a Harvard dropout, to inventing Facebook, to Time Magazine's Person of the Year. In regards to importance, if you are going to see one film this year, this has to be it.

Now in regards to entertainment, if you going to see one film this year, is has to be...

1. Inception

Why? Because it achieves everything it needs to achieve and then some. How can a director follow up a film like The Dark Knight? Only if you are Christopher Nolan, the finest director of his generation. The man has hardly missed a step, and with Inception, you are looking at blockbuster filmmaking at its utmost finest. I'm even hesitant to call Inception a blockbuster because the only thing really "blockbustery" about it is its release date and budget. It's as mindbending as 2001: A Space Odyssey, it's as well acted as any other film this year, and it has the ability to relate to every single person on the planet. Nolan said he wanted to make a film that could effect anyone. We all dream, so how can you not appreciate the depths of Inception? As always, Leonardo Dicaprio is in top form, and I must say that the awards season needs to be more kind to the final remaining movie star on the planet that is almost guaranteed to deliver 100% of the time. If you can't find what you're looking for in Inception, watch it again, and go deeper. Not only do I expect this film to be everlasting, I am almost certain that in the decades to come, future filmmakers will turn to Christopher Nolan's dream movie as a large blueprint in Hollywood's history.


For the worst movies of the year, I didn't see a lot of films that could have made this list because my college loans kicked in and I live far away from the screenings I try to go to. So bare with me that I don't have ten movies here. As time progresses when I see other films, I will add more to the list. For now, here are some of the worst movies of 2010:

-Clash of the Titans

Bad 3D. Bad action sequences. Bad almost everything. There's no doubt Sam Worthington is a fresh sight for sore eyes, but an up-and-coming movie star like him can't save this from being one big marketing machine. Expect the sequel to be just as flat.

-Jonah Hex

There is something seriously wrong with studios when they think they can get away with something as bad as Jonah Hex. This isn't even a movie. This is 80 minutes of footage that was shot with Josh Brolin staring at the screen with a pretty bad-ass scar, and along the way, he has other scenes with other actors. This is no story. No buildup. No payoff. Thus, it has no purpose. This is close to the bottom of the barrel for 2010, right behind another film for worst of the year. We'll get to that in a minute.

-Salt

Another Angelina Jolie movie, another way for her to show off that she's apparently better than anyone else in Hollywood. Sure, she's gorgeous and talented, but there's only so many times I can see a movie with a woman who clearly has a hard time sharing the screen with anyone else. That or the characters she portrays has a sense of superiority to them that is not the flattering kind. After viewing this film, you will have the taste of its title in your mouth.

-Sex and the City 2

Long, overstuffed, and embarrassing, and in many cases, offensive to every woman on the planet. Better yet, almost every person. Did the cast & crew forget that we are in a recession? I will say this. If you are looking for an epic drinking game, drink every time a character magically has a new set of flashy clothing on. In fact, it may the only way to sit through the film.

-Shrek Forever After

Shrek Forever After lives up to its title. It feels like forever, and after, it's just another Shrek. Was anyone else done with this franchise when the bad guy was still in office?

-Splice

An awesome premise turns into sure insanity when a third act not only cripples the film, but paralyzes it into a state of shocking awkwardness.

-When in Rome

A January movie if I ever saw one, this one comes right off the assembly line, starring Kristen Bell and Josh Duhamel, two actors who have careers, but certainly cannot carry a film. Unless the script is as awful as I remember. My brother saw a test screening to this film and he said half the audience walked out. He then told me they made serious changes to it to make it better. How can this version get any worse? I guess anything is possible.

THE WORST OF THE WORST:
A representation of 2010 at its ugliest...

-Valentine's Day

Not only the biggest ripoff of the year, but perhaps one of the worst "movies" of all time. I quoted "movies" because this isn't really a movie. This is what happens when actors need a paycheck. A big one. And they don't want to travel, so the story must take place in Los Angeles. Also, no one in this star-studded cast signed on until director Garry Marshall (Pretty Woman) asked Julia Roberts to. Once she did, everyone came on board. They probably realized how awful the script was, but I guess there is an expression in Hollywood that every agent must memorize to tell their clients, "Well, Julia Roberts is doing it, so how bad can it be?" Trust me on this, it's bad. Not only is a plot non-existent, it's pure gimmick. It's a movie called Valentine's Day released on Valentine's Day that's about nothing but the fact that the movie takes place on Valentine's Day. As if this wasn't bad enough, we must brace ourselves for a spin-off of this idea. In a couple years, watch out for New Year's Eve. You heard me, watch out.


To conclude, 2010 was the worst year of movies since I started reviewing them in 2001. Besides a handful of exceptions, this year was about gimmicks (3D, comic-books, remakes of old classics). Everything is a gimmick these days. Even movies like The Tourist are a gimmick. Don't worry about a story, you have two beautiful people in it that you love! For the people who actually want this, good for you. But for the others, and I suspect there are many, I have a message for you. Stand up to Hollywood. You'd be surprised how much power you have. Hollywood cannot survive without us, the moviegoer.

Therefore, you must let the studios know that you don't want Little Fockers under your Christmas tree, that just because the first Iron Man was great doesn't mean you wouldn't mind if the sequel was just a two-hour commercial for the upcoming Avengers movie, that just because 3D worked for a precious few like Avatar doesn't mean you want it in every movie, and that just because a movie ticket is still relatively cheap compared to other forms of entertainment, you're not willing to drop $20 on an IMAX 3D movie if what's being offered is of Shrek Forever After caliber.

Despite all this, I really want to end on an optimistic note. The beauty of a new year is that there is always hope for a fresh start. And just because 2011 begins with the forever delayed Nicholas Cage movie Season of the Witch, I must remain positive. It's my New Year's resolution. Who knows, maybe Season of the Witch will be the funniest movie ever.

I apologize to anyone who is sick and tired of my bellyaching during 2010. For them, I promise to return to the beginning of why I started this website in the first place...

Because I love movies.

Black Swan - **** stars

If someone told me one of the best films of 2010 would be about ballet, I wouldn’t have laughed, I would've said it would need one hell of a director.

Funny, I said the same thing about wrestling in 2008.

Darren Aronofsky is far and away the most ambitious independent director of his generation. In fact, he may the most daring director, period. Not once has the man faltered from accomplishing the film he wanted to make (including the aching process he endured during The Fountain). In 2008, he resurrected Mickey Rourke’s career (and perhaps a genre) with The Wrestler. This year, he leads Natalie Portman to the best performance of her career with Black Swan, a gripping piece of art that turns a woman’s fantasy into a real nightmare.

Portman plays Nina, an obsessive ballerina in a New York City ballet company. This is clearly explained just by how this woman lives: still living with her former ballerina mother in a claustrophobic apartment, thinks and talks nothing but ballet, and is scared by anyone who rivals against her. So when artistic director Thomas Leroy (played with method madness by Vincent Cassel) gives her the lead role in the play Swan Lake, her life begins to spiral out of control.

There are two roles in Swan Lake Nina has to play: the White Swan and the Black Swan. Nina is a perfect White Swan, but it’s the Black Swan she needs serious work on. She befriends a new dancer named Lily (Mila Kunis, who’s career I suspect will explode after this film), who seems to fit the darker role, thus making her a threat to Nina. However, their rivalry turns into an odd friendship, and through this, Nina allows a darker side to seep into her innocence. Fueled by jealously, sexual-desire, and the obsessive drive to be a perfectionist, Black Swan tells a tale that everyone with a nightmare can relate to. What’s physically real or not is irrelevant, because when something is as powerful as what Nina has created in her mind, it’s real to that person. And thus, Nina self-explodes. The third act of this film is an astonishing finish to an already astonishing set-up. You will be shaken to the core.

In an interview with MTV, Aronofsky said that at one point, The Wrestler and Black Swan were the same movie. I suspect many will find Black Swan to be the more superior film, but it would be great if one day someone cuts these two films together. For now, both stand on their own, with Black Swan representing Aronofsky at his most untamed brilliance.