2012

*** Stars

I'm entering the screening of 2012 at 2pm on a Monday afternoon. I get there about five minutes early to use the bathroom and grab a water bottle. I sit down in my seat, surrounded by critics and film buffs alike. The movie starts five minutes late. No big deal. But there is no sound. Very big deal. About 6 minutes go by with no sound, so the movie shuts off and the projectionist is forced to reset the reel. All I know so far is that the sun has something to do with the apocalypse of 2012 and that Chiwetel Ejiofor is going to have more screen time that I originally thought. Ten minutes go by and the film has yet to start. Now the frustration and moans of film critics in the theater begin to surface. "Well, it's not the end of the world," one critic says. "We just missed the only scene in the movie with sound that actually has dialogue," says another.

The 2012 jokes continue. Then the movie comes back on. Then, ten minutes in, with sound and all, the film reel fails once again. And again. And AGAIN. More 2012 jokes ensue, although now it's not funny anymore. This freakin' movie was suppose to start at 2. It's now pushing 2:45. And this baby clocks in well over two-and-a-half hours. I never thought I would feel completely exhausted sitting in a movie theater.

I could write for hours about my experience with Roland Emmerich's latest doomsday flick 2012. I wanted to tell you this experience because nothing is worse when a film doesn't start on time or for that matter, doesn't work. So when 2012 started, I was pretty much in the worst mood a moviegoer could be.

Then the movie began, and I became glued to my seat.

I have been notorious for debating and discussing disaster movies. I find them fascinating. And 2012 is no different. I must have said "holy shit" at least seven times, I lost my breath once or twice during the escape scene from L.A, and I died laughing throughout Woody Harrelson's entire screen time.

There's no need to sell a plot here. You already know it. The world is ending in biblical proportions and we're going to witness it through the eyes of one family dealing with family issues. John Cusack is an inspired choice to play the hero Jackson Curtis, a divorced writer trying to re-connect with his kids. Then the world starts falling apart and they have to worry about that stuff later when there is a need for a pause in the action. Other characters include: Amanda Peet plays his ex-wife Kate, Danny Glover (why do I always laugh when I write this guy's name?) plays a fitting President. Thandie Newton is his daughter, Chiwetel Ejiofor is the scientist guy that helped figure everything out (Dennis Quaid probably realized he already played this same exact part in The Day After Tomorrow and chose not to pursue the role), Oliver Platt is the guy that doesn't care if people die so long as the continuity of the human race (including himself) continues, and Woody Harrelson plays the crazy homeless guy who turned out to be right all along about his conspiracy theories. He absolutely, without-a-doubt, steals every scene he is in.

I'm going on record by saying the following: 2012 is the ultimate disaster movie, one where its director Roland Emmerich had one goal in mine. He wanted to do this right so there would never have to be a disaster movie again. Mr. Emmerich, you have stuck true to your word and delivered the biggest disaster movie ever. It's so massive on a visual scale, I implore you to see it in the theater. The movie is corny, accidentally hilarious, full of cliches and cheesy on-liners, but I forgave the film's lousy script and bowed to its special effects. If the third act of this film hadn't fallen apart, I might have even came close to calling this a great movie instead of just a great disaster flick. I'll settle with the latter. After all, it's not the end of the world.