0 Stars
This movie sucks. I hate this movie. I want to leave. No one should have to sit through this. Why is everyone clapping and enjoying this movie? Who approved this script? I can't believe this movie's climax is set in a robotic heaven or purgatory. Poor Shia Lebeouf. Someone please give this guy decent material to work with. Ouch, his injured hand must really hurt him. I can see his cast! It makes no sense in the movie, but wait, this is Michael Bay we're talking here. Sense to him is rarer than fundamental economical growth, which is ironic for the bastards who invested $200 million into this bombastic piece of crap. The results are clear. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is the following: one of the worst movies of Michael Bay's career (if that means anything), of the year 2009, of the first decade of this millennium, and maybe of all time.
So whose to blame?
I guess I'll take a shot and go with Michael Bay. In this movie theater, where I am seeing the midnight premiere, I am surrounded by people cheering everytime something is blown up. To the person sitting in front of me: Dude, come on, can you please sit down? You don't need to stand up and cheer the first time you see the tanned hamstrings of Megan Fox. I know she's beautiful and all, but how shameful do you have to be to cheer when you see the back of a woman's lower body? Maybe I am outside Michael Bay's intended demographic. Now, that could be a debate within itself. Let's see the top ten possible choices of who this movie is trying to appeal to:
1.) 13 year old boys.
2.) 14 year old dudes.
3.) 15-18 year old guys who have yet to get their driver's license.
4.) Michael Bay's family.
5.) The handful of women who are shamelessly (or shamefully) attracted to Megan Fox.
6.) Elias from Clerks 2.
7.) The film critic from E! Online.
8.) Not Peter Travers or Roger Ebert.
9.) Grown-up males who still live with their parents, and begged for an advancement on their allowance for $11 dollars in order to attend the midnight premiere.
10.) The $16 million it made on opening night and the burden I must carry for being apart of it.
Go ahead, take your pick. They're all right. I'd probably choose #10 because it consists of both you and I. As I watch this movie, I am reminded that this so-called "successful filmmaker" (and I use that term loosely here) has given us some cheap thrills and historically inaccurate reenactments over the years, but this latest effort is bad even by Michael Bay standards.
In the first Transformers, Michael Bay found a way to embrace his over-the-top childhood antics and throw it into a movie about robots beating the crap out of each other. I didn't love that movie, but I didn't hate it. Shia Lebeouf was a nice fit (and he still is, though he ought to think about taking a step back from the summer blockbuster genre) and a solid cast kept the film afloat for a somewhat memorable time at the multiplex.
Then, two years later, we get the sequel. And lord have mercy, this thing is painful to watch. Only now do we see the true effects of that frustrating Writer's Strike. The script for Revenge of the Fallen had to be finished before it so the movie could secure a release date for summer 2009, but I didn't think studios could greenlight such horrific material.
Whoa, wait a minute. While sitting in this theater, Optimus prime has died and I just heard someone weep a "Oh no" from one of the rows behind me. Dude, relax. The thing is a machine. It can be rebuilt. You're more empathetic for the damn robot than the poor souls sitting in the theater forced to watch it happen. Well, subconsciously we're laughing at you, so I guess we'll call it even.
Has this level of incoherency and garbage become accepted for what might be one of the biggest movies of all time? I mean, what the hell am I going to think about when sitting in the theater watching the inevitable third installment?
I can't tell you what this movie is about, because to be honest, I have no idea. I couldn't tell you the slightest summary or synopsis of plot, except to tell you that you have a decent cast playing characters that are more machine-like than the machines itself. At least the machines have negative human components like racism and homophobia.
I won't criticize the actors here, because hey, we all need our paychecks in this day and age. But for the sake of audiences around the world, stay away from a third movie, and give us the revenge of the fallen. They never really explain what the "Fallen" is in this movie, so I would like to define it as we the moviegoers. It won't be long until we will fight back against movies like this.
So, in the words of your movie's tagline Mr. Bay, revenge is coming.
So whose to blame?
I guess I'll take a shot and go with Michael Bay. In this movie theater, where I am seeing the midnight premiere, I am surrounded by people cheering everytime something is blown up. To the person sitting in front of me: Dude, come on, can you please sit down? You don't need to stand up and cheer the first time you see the tanned hamstrings of Megan Fox. I know she's beautiful and all, but how shameful do you have to be to cheer when you see the back of a woman's lower body? Maybe I am outside Michael Bay's intended demographic. Now, that could be a debate within itself. Let's see the top ten possible choices of who this movie is trying to appeal to:
1.) 13 year old boys.
2.) 14 year old dudes.
3.) 15-18 year old guys who have yet to get their driver's license.
4.) Michael Bay's family.
5.) The handful of women who are shamelessly (or shamefully) attracted to Megan Fox.
6.) Elias from Clerks 2.
7.) The film critic from E! Online.
8.) Not Peter Travers or Roger Ebert.
9.) Grown-up males who still live with their parents, and begged for an advancement on their allowance for $11 dollars in order to attend the midnight premiere.
10.) The $16 million it made on opening night and the burden I must carry for being apart of it.
Go ahead, take your pick. They're all right. I'd probably choose #10 because it consists of both you and I. As I watch this movie, I am reminded that this so-called "successful filmmaker" (and I use that term loosely here) has given us some cheap thrills and historically inaccurate reenactments over the years, but this latest effort is bad even by Michael Bay standards.
In the first Transformers, Michael Bay found a way to embrace his over-the-top childhood antics and throw it into a movie about robots beating the crap out of each other. I didn't love that movie, but I didn't hate it. Shia Lebeouf was a nice fit (and he still is, though he ought to think about taking a step back from the summer blockbuster genre) and a solid cast kept the film afloat for a somewhat memorable time at the multiplex.
Then, two years later, we get the sequel. And lord have mercy, this thing is painful to watch. Only now do we see the true effects of that frustrating Writer's Strike. The script for Revenge of the Fallen had to be finished before it so the movie could secure a release date for summer 2009, but I didn't think studios could greenlight such horrific material.
Whoa, wait a minute. While sitting in this theater, Optimus prime has died and I just heard someone weep a "Oh no" from one of the rows behind me. Dude, relax. The thing is a machine. It can be rebuilt. You're more empathetic for the damn robot than the poor souls sitting in the theater forced to watch it happen. Well, subconsciously we're laughing at you, so I guess we'll call it even.
Has this level of incoherency and garbage become accepted for what might be one of the biggest movies of all time? I mean, what the hell am I going to think about when sitting in the theater watching the inevitable third installment?
I can't tell you what this movie is about, because to be honest, I have no idea. I couldn't tell you the slightest summary or synopsis of plot, except to tell you that you have a decent cast playing characters that are more machine-like than the machines itself. At least the machines have negative human components like racism and homophobia.
I won't criticize the actors here, because hey, we all need our paychecks in this day and age. But for the sake of audiences around the world, stay away from a third movie, and give us the revenge of the fallen. They never really explain what the "Fallen" is in this movie, so I would like to define it as we the moviegoers. It won't be long until we will fight back against movies like this.
So, in the words of your movie's tagline Mr. Bay, revenge is coming.
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