Choke

**1/2 Stars

Choke is an easily watchable film that unfortunately tries to please everyone. Leading man Sam Rockwell scores, while the film itself is another story. From the author of Fight Club, Choke revolves around the life of Victor Mancini, a somewhat repulsive sex-addict who spends more time in relapse than actual recovery. He sleeps with what feels like over a hundred women and fantasizes what sex would be like with every woman he sees. Regardless of looks. Regardless of age. Regardless of mental stability. He is a medical school drop-out who spends his days as a Colonial-Time tour guide, or what he calls it, a historical interpretor. The only thing he interprets is how on earth he is going to have sex that day. It's rather unpleasant because the man is hard to root for. He's a mild jerk who rarely cares about others. Rockwell has a special charm that elevates the material, but Choke chokes on its own self-absorbed style. It's Californication, if Hank Moody was a tumultuous, pompous, and disturbing sex-stalker.

Righteous Kill

0 Stars

The first time Robert De Niro and Al Pacino pair together (with the exception of Heat) is this? Seriously? Really? Honestly?!?

There is an enormous stench reaking of this morbid piece of moviemaking. It's combination consists of stale, flat, and overused scenes created for no significant purpose. Righteous Kill combines replays of recycled De Niro & Pacino lines from other films, and then are filtered into a script that had its place locked in a drawer under someone's basement floor.

There's one crucial thing left out of this film. A STORY. There is no coherent plot or any reason for the characters to do what they do. De Niro plays Turk. Pacino plays Rooster. Partners for thirty years. We must assume they're best friends too. De Niro is a cranky old S.O.B while Pacino is smooth and easy-going. As the story progresses, we ignore and abandon all reasoning for the story and its ending and wonder if De Niro and Pacino can stop living off of their legacies. Especially De Niro. Pacino actually looks like he's trying, but De Niro looks utterly bored. We feel you Bobbie. We are too.

And also, not to give to much away, but do we really need to see the beautiful and talented Carla Gugino having rough sex with De Niro. Or the idea of Pacino raping her? Um, gross. And the fact that its really the only thing you take away from Righteous Kill, unwillingly, should be proof enough for this much deserved 0 star rating.

Eagle Eye

Three films, Three different themes.
If you're in the mood for some Government bashing, see:

** Stars

The Plot: Shia Lebeouf and Michelle Monaghan are on the run after being targeted through their cell phones by a mysterious woman. Lebeouf's character (Jerry Shaw) discovers weapons and a small fortune in his name at his apartment just seconds before being taken into custody by the FBI, where Rachel Holloman (Monaghan) is forced by the voice to follow her orders otherwise her child will be killed. The two attempt to learn what is actually going on through car chases, interrogations, and assassination attempts.

Why the film doesn't work: Director D.J Caruso is given an $80 million budget, a hot topic in today’s culture, and Steven Spielberg as a producer. What could possibly go wrong? Well, the problem with Eagle Eye is that it tries to be too much at once. In order to nab young moviegoers, the film relies heavily on ludicrous action scenes, ultimately creating moments filled with implausible scenarios. Example: When Shaw is escaping custody, the film cuts to signs and electronic billboards telling what Jerry has to do. There is no possible way that Shaw could see all of these orders to follow as he is jumping off buildings and trains.

I usually never have problems suspending disbelief, but when an entire film relies on stunts like this, it gets a little frustrating. Especially when the material is trying to tackle a very important and very real problem in our country. I give props for its guts, but in the end, Eagle Eye goes for the entertainment factor. I didn't hate it by any means, but its potential versus the film itself is an absolute waste.

Review in a nutshell: An incoherent disappointment.

My Best Friend's Girl

My movie has arrived. It's hard for me to review this films because I got to be on set with the cast and crew (not to mention you can see me located in the prom scene for a couple shots). Instead, if you want, you can read my article about my two-day shoot that I went through last year. Click Here.

For those looking for my opinion on the film, I'll admit it's not that great. It had its chances, but the actors are forced into raising material to a level not worth raising. It does however have its moments. Dane Cook does avoid disaster here compared to Good Luck Chuck and Kate Hudson is still tolerable (although a break from a romantic-comedy could be refreshing) but with both mediocre direction (Howard Deutch) and writing (Jordan Cahan) My Best Friend's Girl won't really appeal to anyone, except maybe if you were in it.
** Stars

Burn After Reading

***1/2 Stars

The Coen Brothers are extremely smart people. After following up with their Oscar winning No Country For Old Men, they have crafted another original and stylistic film, one that is fun and brilliantly stupid. It's also the #1 film in the country ($19 million opening), coming in as a career high for the dynamic duo.

There are times where Burn After Reading reaches heights of something very special. It can also be extremely unsettling. But I guess that's what the film is all about. You're suppose to laugh you're ass off while looking at the person next to you going "Are people really like this?" Realism isn't the films strong point, but it certainly gets its point across in a weirdly seductive way.

The film has an ensemble of some of the best actors in the world. And everyone has a moment of genius. George Clooney plays Harry Pfarrer, a happily married man who also likes to fool around with dates on the Internet. He'll date anyone. He hooks up with Linda Litzke (the always impressive Frances McDormand) a gym specialist who is willing to go to the ends of the earth for some seriously ridiculous plastic surgeries because she believes she's "gotten about as far as this body can take her." Haha, um, good for you?

Her gym co-worker, Chad (Brad Pitt) decides to help her get those surgeries when they find a CD with apparent CIA documents left at the gym. They think this stuff is worth millions. It does in fact belong to ex-CIA member Osborne Cox (John Malkovich), but it is nowhere near what they think it is. Osbourne is married to Katie (recent Oscar-winner Tilda Swinton) who is sleeping with Harry Pfarrer.

So you see? It's all one huge circle of lies, sex, hebetudinous behavior, and a whole lot of burning after reading. The title of the film makes sense when the report of this so-called "CIA file" gets to the actual CIA. They read the story, and look to each other with a puzzled, puzzled face. When it gets to a CIA boss (J.K Simmons), he looks at it and literally has no idea what the hell is going on. "Report back to me when it makes sense," he says. It never does.

The cast rocks. Pitt, Clooney, Swinton, McDormand are all solid, but I have to ad, personally, that watching John Malkovich scream What the F*** every other line is worth the price of admission.

Burn After Reading clocks in at a brisk 96-minutes, so don't expect much. It's like going to a hypnotist and watching everyone acting completely moronic. Do you laugh? Sure. Do you shake your head after its over in full embarrassment for every character involved? Of course. Do we eventually report back saying it finally makes sense? Like I said, proudly, it never does.

Vicky Christina Barcelona

**** Stars

The joy that comes out of watching Vicky Christina Barcelona is the perfect kind. Woody Allen, the fantastic writer he is, seduces us with wine, sex, poetry, music, and characters that have desires of having something they’ve never experienced before. Or better put, something they’ve never thought of having before.

Vicky (Rebecca Hall) and Christina (Scarlett Johansson) are best friends who see eye-to-eye on pretty much everything, except one thing: love. Vicky is turned on by the commitment a man will give to her, where Christina is looking for adventure and passion. Enter the luscious and seductive Javier Bardem (a million miles away from his evil turn in No Country for Old Men) who plays Juan Antonio, a rich and cultured artist who asks the women to join him for a weekend in Oviedo. Obviously, Christina is sold. Vicky is not. But Christina persuades her to come. They spend time drinking wine and talking adult as things unfold in ways one might not expect. Both actually fall for Juan, but Vicky ends up sleeping with him first. Not only that, Vicky has fallen in love with him. She eventually stays committed to her man that’s waiting for her back in the states, while Christina and Juan end up lovers. When they move in together, things are feeling smooth. But, enter his ex-wife (played by the scene-stealing, show-stopping Penelope Cruz) who is suicidal and eventually has to move in with Christina and Juan. The three eventually turn into lovers.

Sounds like a soap opera huh? But it’s not. It’s vintage Woody Allen. Vicky Christina Barcelona is a turn on for the young and the restless who want to venture away from pop culture and into a delicious piece of cinema that is one of Allen’s freshest and most swiftest of films.

Sunshine

** Stars

Cillian Murphy is a very smart person. After a huge breakout year in 2005 with Batman Begins, Red Eye, and his golden globe nominated Breakfast on Pluto, Murphy managed to maintain a relatively low-profile by making small but smart career choices. He starred in the critically acclaimed film The Wind That Shakes the Barley and had a small cameo as Scarecrow, his iconic villain from Batman Begins, in the gargantuan hit known as The Dark Knight. Last year, he also starred in this, Sunshine, a visually mind-blowing film that is lost in a screenplay that lacks serious substance. That being a plot. This isn't really a mistake on his part. There is a lot of talent here. Director Danny Boyle is a true original and him and Murphy have had success in the past (28 Days Later). Here, no one fails here but the script. After a small cameo as his returning villain Scarecrow in The Dark Knight, it's time for Cillian Murphy to become like the actor that played his character's rival in what is now the highest grossing franchise of its time.

Grace is Gone

*** Stars

The War in Iraq is one of the saddest in history. The U.S population is mostly against it, it's destroying our economy, and it's a monumental lie. With Grace is Gone, it purposely stays interpersonal to one family grieving for a causality suffered from war. What little understanding they do receive comes from a report filed by someone they don't know. With war, there are causalities, but at what cost?

Stanley Philipps is an every day American who just discovered that his wife has been killed in the line of duty in Iraq. With such shock and arrestment from reality, Stanley doesn't know how to tell his kids. So he takes them on a vacation. I don't agree with Stanley's decision to wait to tell his family, but I cannot begin to understand what he is going through. I guess it's something only someone like Stanley Philipps can decide.

Through their road trip, we learn about Stanley and his two daughters. Heidi and Dawn, aged twelve and eight, are like any other siblings. They fight, they yell, but they also love and care. Heidi inparticular has a real quality towards her. She is mature but also understands her age. Her being the older daughter gives her and Stanley's relationship a bit more structure. The strongest scenes include the two discovering who each other really are. Through this tragedy, Stanley opens his mind towards his daughters lives. Before Grace is Gone, he was certainly a caring father, but censorship was a strong tool in his parental game. Now in uncharted territory, Stanley Philipps has nothing but to make his family as happy as possible.

Cusack has a chance here to act his heart out. His two other films in 2007 were 1408 and Martian Child. He took those because they were solid offers, but he really wanted to sink his teeth into this one. It shows. And when we reach the climax where he must tell the kids the tragic news we know that Cusack is still a gifted and sensible actor.

If only the film could match his performance. It can drag pretty hard for only an 84-minute film, and some scenes simply don't make sense. When Stanley and the kids stop to see family, he sees his brother who has little purpose to the plot except to give us some anti-war lectures. He may be right in a sense, but it gives the film the wrong image. It's not pro-war or anti-war, but a simple tale of one man trying desperately to hold together what's left of his family.

Step Brothers, Pineapple Express, Tropic Thunder

Three Comedies. Which one takes the cake?

Judd Apatow must never sleep. He is producing more comedies than any other filmmaker. His results are all over the place. This year alone he’s got another classic under his belt with Forgetting Sarah Marshall and a box office failure with Drillbit Taylor. Now he’s got two films coming out back-to-back. Step Brothers is his worst film and Pineapple Express is a stoner-classic. Sure Apatow is being diverse with comedic genres, but I think someone needs to remind him of the difference between quantitative and qualitative.

Will Ferrell is a very funny man. He has given audiences some great classic characters including Ron Burgundy, Ricky Bobby, and Harold Crick. Now it seems Ferrell has taken lazy turns of improvisation for his last two flicks. Semi-Pro and Brothers have him squandering around telling us that we have to laugh even when we didn’t ask to laugh. Now is the time to wonder if Ferrell is running out of ideas. Maybe that’s why an Anchorman sequel has been announced.

The film we should be talking about here is definitely Tropic Thunder. Ben Stiller returns to directing after Zoolander seven years prior. Sure both that film and Thunder are filled with extreme inside jokes of Hollywood, but Stiller not only delivers the funniest movie of the year, he also resurrects the criminally-abused power star Tom Cruise. His supporting role as a fat and bald studio executive is Cruise at his comedic best.

But what makes the film so satiric and memorable is its ability to thwart its execution from falling below the lines of staleness and mediocrity. Stiller must have told his actors some good advice, by saying: Guys, let’s just go for it. Let’s make something no one has ever seen before. Let’s put Robert Downey in a black form, Cruise in a fat suit, and make Jack Black a drug addict. Then let’s combine the theme of war, movie trailers with a Tobey Maguire cameo, and a spoof on how every actor tries to win an Oscar by playing a mentally challenged person, in this case named Simple Jack. Yes, Tropic Thunder, a classic spin on a totally outdated genre, plays out all of these ridiculous scenarios.

The more and more I think about Thunder, the less and less I want to think about Brothers and Pineapple Express. Express did have some good laughs and I’ll recommend it to people to see it maybe once, but I think it suffered from the movie trailer disease. The trailer was something more than funny. It was comedic heaven. It’s very hard to match something like that. The film is indeed a minor stoner classic, but just think of the possibilities of what it could have been.

About three or four months ago when I first heard and saw the trailers for these three movies, I thought Step Brothers would be stupidly funny. It was turned out to be just stupid. I thought Pineapple Express would be the comedy of the year, ranking with last year’s hit Superbad. It turned out to be just stupidly funny. And finally, I thought Tropic Thunder would be Stiller’s best movie to date. It turned out to best just that. Who takes the cake? August belongs to Tropic Thunder.

Step Brothers: ** Stars
Pinapple Express: *** Stars
Tropic Thunder: **** Stars

Quick Reviews for the Impatient

Will you Definitely, believe in this love story told with a solid heart by Ryan Reynolds and starring three of the most beautiful women (Isla Fisher, Elizabeth Banks, and Rachel Weisz) in the entire industry? Maybe. *** Stars

With some explosive laughs, a great spoof at a brilliant documentary (Morgan Spurlock’s Super Size Me), and some important historical references about protesting and trying to legalize weed, Doug Benson and company have created a perfect movie for your 4/20 fixes. I liked what I saw, but I wanted more. *** Stars

Lovely music and solid performances can’t save this melodrama from forgetting its tone. What starts off promising does end with a fitting finale, but too bad there is all that stuff in between. **1/2 Stars

While Transformers let the world know that Shia Lebeouf could dominate the box-office, this was his sleeper hit that solidified him as an up and coming movie star. This is a solid twist of a remake of the brilliant Rear Window. *** Stars

Remember Channing Tatum from Step Up? He was terrible in that. Remember Channing Tatum in A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints? He was a wonder in that. First impressions can be the equivalent of incest. They can be just plain wrong. With a cast of dreams including Robert Downey Jr, Shia Lebeouf, Rosario Dawson, Chazz Palminteri, and Tatum, this is a powerful reminder to audiences just how important independent cinema can be. **** Stars

Establishes itself as a sequel so terrible, so mind-numbingly disgusting, and so accidentally hilarious, that you almost start rooting for the mutants to make sure they have their way with the humans as fast as possible. 88-minutes go by like being lost in the desert. Oh the irony. 0 Stars

Remember 1968? Nah, nothing happened that year except Oliver! winning Best Picture and some war that was on this thing call a television.

Kidding.

1968 is one of the most important American years to study. Bobby is an account of R.F.K’s final day of life, one that truly does live in infamy. On the level with Robert Altman, director Emilio Estevez (Yes, also known as Gordon Bombay) and his stellar cast of some of the biggest names in Hollywood (From Anthony Hopkins, to Shia Lebeouf, to Christian Slater) give us a piece of history we as a nation should embrace as both tragic and inspiring. **** Stars

The Dark Knight

**** Stars

There are only a few films every year that have an anticipation of such unyielding force that The Dark Knight has created. I have seen several films this year (including all the blockbusters to this point) and I can guarantee you to the absolute fullest that no finer film has been made this year. The Dark Knight surpasses all others as the greatest superhero film of all time. The secret? It's not created like a superhero film. This one is a haunting nightmare that will stay with you long after you've woken up.

First, let's clear up the thing that everyone wants to know. Does Heath Ledger go out on top as the mask Joker? Absolutely. This is the greatest performance of the year, as Ledger mixes in influences stretching from Alex in A Clockwork Orange to Hannibal Lector in The Silence of the Lambs. He puts Jack Nicholson's Joker to shame.

The film doesn't give you a moment's breath. It begins with no introduction to any of Batman's past. We've already seen five films about Batman and his huge condition of post-traumatic stress (due to his parent’s tragic death when he was a child). Now it's time for Batman to evolve into something else. It is true what the Joker says: people look at Batman like he's a freak. That draws the Joker to him, as the two characters play an action packed, steroid abusive cat-and-mouse game that starts with haste and ends in tragedy. The process is a 2-hour and 32-minute masterpiece with without an ounce of fat.

A midnight premiere is a good test for a film. It has to work even harder to make sure it keep an audience member in focus. It does not make the mistake Spiderman 3 made. Spiderman 3 took way too much time redeveloping a relationship between Peter Parker and Mary Jane while also trying to introduce three villains. That leads to boredom, frustration, and disappointment. The Dark Knight already knows where Batman and Bruce Wayne need to be. His girl, Rachel Dawes (Maggie Gyllenhaal) has a new man in her life. District Attorney Harvey Dent (a very strong Aaron Eckhart) has taken Rachel from Bruce while also becoming an iconic hero to the city. He is reducing violence and boosting the economy. The Dark Knight manages to avoid a cliched act where Batman purposely seeks revenge. There are much bigger things happening for that to occur.

The Joker likes to play games with themes of morality and choice. He creates situations where good people have to make decisions that will save one but hurt another. That what happens to Harvey Dent, turning him into Two-Face. The effects of this character are perfectly executed.

What makes these two villains work in this movie is that the Joker lays a profound effect on Harvey Dent. Both villains mature through the actions of one another, leaving Batman no choice but to use questionable logic to stop them. If a villain like the Joker is this menacing and hellish inside a comic-book film, imagine how it feels to the audience in an ordinary world? It's as though Ledger's Joker has become the definitive face of the world's strongest evil. It is absolutely fascinating.

Director Christopher Nolan made a great decision to create this piece of cinema as an ensemble. Everyone has their moment. Even Lt. James Gordon (Gary Oldman) is spiced up in this one, giving another character to fall back on when the story isn't revolving around Batman and the Joker. Other plotlines include Michael Caine as Alfred and Morgan Freeman as Lucius Fox. Both are very small and almost feel like cameos, but like the Return of the King, everyone's story serves a purpose, and the film would be incomplete without them.

By the end of the film, we understand why it is called The Dark Knight. The word Batman is out of the title because Batman is no longer himself. Everything that is happening is a translucent vision to an epilogue Batman and Bruce Wayne soon must face. With the Joker blowing up buildings and killing people like a child with G.I Joe's, Gotham is out of Batman's hands. But who else will pick up the pieces? The caped-crusader has to make the choice that no others will face. It is a true definition of a hero, no matter how dark the knight becomes.

We have finally seen what everyone has been waiting for: Ledger's final portrayal. While watching him perform the simplicity of acting, we are left with a thought of tragedy and triumph. In his final moments as the Joker, I will find it absolutely appropriate to find each individual audience member who sees The Dark Knight, create their own emotion to an ending as apocalyptic as the actor's. Why? Because we will never know what could have happened next.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

*** Stars

The imagination of Guillmero Del Toro runs wild in Hellboy II: The Golden Army. It's like watching a kid play with his toys. The man can put on a show, even when that is extremely untamed and ultimately very weird.

The way I looked at this picture was an image of what is to come with Del Toro. I was never a huge fan of this comic book series, but the visuals and style that he brings to the screen has given me more comfort towards his next project: a duo of Hobbit films. Peter Jackson had the power to get rid of him for the Hobbit flicks, so you know he's got something up his sleeves. Especially in Pan's Labyrinth.

In this sequel, both Ron Perlman and Selma Blair return as the hero Hellboy and the pyro-kinetic girlfriend Liz Sherman. While Hellboy is a superhero, he is showing off a lot to the media, even though the leader of the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense (he belongs to this) is telling him not to. The company wants the world to know that their business is in control. They don't want the fear of being shut down. When a threat to both the company and the people ensue, Hellboy and his crew must save the day once again. He journeys to fight rock monsters, a pair of twins (one evil, one good), and most of all: his girlfriend. Hellboy and Liz begin to show problems with their relationship and must figure out how to fix it, while also trying to save the world. And you thought you were having a bad day?

Del Toro is clearly a master of the fantasy genre. It's great to know we still have directors that want to explore other worlds. Whether Del Toro wants us to explore with him or not is a different topic all together. Hellboy II is no Iron Man or Dark Knight, but it sure beats the absolute piss out of The Incredible Hulk.

Hancock

*** Stars

A Fourth of July without Will Smith is like Thanksgiving Dinner without a turkey. Where would the world be without it? Since 2002, the man hasn't had a film gross under $138 million domestically. It's an astonishing feat, even when some of those films were less than stellar (Men in Black II and Bad Boys II, the only sequels he's ever done). Over time, the Fresh Prince has still stayed very fresh.

This time around, Smith plays a superhero known as Hancock (don’t worry, they explain the name). He is a drunken self-absorbed ass who will help someone out of a certain situation without thinking about the consequences. In the opening sequence, Hancock flies drunk, almost hits a plane, picks up an SUV filled with gangsters, and throws him on top of a building. His heart is in the right place, but his mind is somewhere else floating into oblivion. His behavior continues when he saves a PR spokesman named Ray Embrey (a spot on Jason Bateman) from a moving train by running it into the ground. Ray has been struggling with work and decides to pull a Jerry Maguire (Help me, Help you…) and return the favor of saving his life by offering Hancock a new image. He brings him to his home for dinner where he meets Ray’s wife Mary, played by Charlize Theron. Playing Mary, Theron is not hiding her beauty anymore, as she looks more gorgeous than ever. There is a connection between Mary and Hancock, but you will have to see the movie to figure that one out. If any reviewer spills the secret, then it’s the biggest sin a film critic can do.

Hancock is so sloppy and drunk during dinner that he even eats like a bum, with spaghetti and meatballs dropping all over the place. Ray gives him an offer for a new life and a choice to be accepted by the population. Hancock unenthusiastically accepts and decides to fix all the problems the media have created for him. With a warrant out for his arrest for charges of public disturbance and damaging the city, Hancock goes to prison. Maybe the world will miss him after all.

After crime is on the rise, the chief of police asks Hancock for help. Now out of prison, it’s time for Hancock to get a new suit (of course every proper hero needs a suit). He saves a police officer properly without destruction and booze. Where’s the fun in that? That’s when things turn serious.

Now judging by the trailers, I knew this movie was going to have a hard time balancing the first and second half (a comedy turned drama). It’s very noticeable, sudden, and it comes out of nowhere, but thank God the plot is able to stay original with its story. We are able to accept the third act and its flaws because of the A-list stars. Smith, Theron, and Bateman are so easy to love and watch that we are unable to question their decisions. Props especially to Smith, who is an unstoppable box-office phenomenon. Happy Fourth.

Get Smart

*** Stars

I saw a screening of Get Smart with my father, a huge fan of the original show. Having only seeing a few episodes, I wanted to see this with him so I could get an accurate judgment of the film. He loved it, so I assume it is a classy ode to the classic series.

Get Smart is perfectly cast. Steve Carrell plays the infamously goofy Maxwell Smart, Anne Hathaway is the beautiful Agent 99, Dwayne Johnson (not The Rock anymore, he doesn't like to be called that) plays the muscular Agent 23, and Alan Arkin scores with The Chief. You would think the Carrell and Hathaway love story would be weird (given the age difference between the two actors), but it plays nicely. They meet when Max gets his first assignment to track down a nuclear thrat in Russia. With the help of Agent 99, the two find very interesting ways to complete their missions. Max knows his details and reports so intensely that he literally connects the dots by figuring out what kind of food a terrorist eats and/or coffee it drinks. He is so good in fact, that he bores the hell out of the rest of the agency.

The film is surprisingly well made with its stunt work. Not once are we questioning logic or fake visual effects. And if we do, it's the films goofball ability to let us realize that if we are trying to take this film seriously, then you bought the wrong ticket the minute you stepped into the theater. The film makes it by THAT much.

Wanted

*** Stars

Wanted: Think Shoot Em’ Up meets The Matrix. It has a hardcore imagination like the original Matrix, but it’s trapped inside a piece of garbage like Shoot Em’ Up. So what’s the outcome? A slam bang-thriller that has no purpose but to just make sure stuff gets blown up.

In a recent interview with Entertainment Weekly, Angelina Jolie told reporters that she chooses projects based on her stages in life. She needed a movie with something physical, which is why she took on Wanted. She plays Fox, a secret assassin apart of a secret organization called The Fraternity. Their philosophy is kill one person to save a thousand (a premise once again for just gun battles). Fox picks up Wesley Gibson (James McAvoy) at a pharmacy to tell him that his father (an assassin) had just been killed. McAvoy is a low level employee at a dead end job (picture Office Space), he has no money, and his girlfriend is cheating on him with his best friend. He definitely has a lot of stress to get rid of, making him a perfect candidate for a new job for a killer.

When McAvoy is taken to meet the members, it makes sense to have Morgan Freeman be the President of the Fraternity. It’s worth the price of admission just to hear Freeman get pissed and swear. He’s not the sweet and gentle narrator this time around. There are several scenes with McAvoy being trained involving curving bullets, a rehabilitation session that cures gunshot wounds, and a huge book-lined library.

Ok, did you get that? Because I didn’t. Nothing really makes sense or needs to happen in Wanted, but as the film continues, your brain leaves the room and your adrenaline kicks in. It’s a schlock fest, where coherence is punished and action is rewarded.

Wall-E

**** Stars

I think Pixar is one of the only studios that can be safely marked with originality. With Wall-E being its eventual ninth hit in a row, this marks the culmination of a time where an animated film needs to be nominated for best picture. Wall-E is a perfect film to hold that crown. This is the best film so far this year.

The film’s opening thirty minutes is one of the most visually astounding things cinema has to offer. Wall-E, also known as a Waste Allocation Load Lifter Earth-Class is a machine made to clean up human garbage. After life on earth is unsustainable, he is left alone for seven-hundred years. To stay busy, he continues to collect garbage and dream of once seeing something alive again. He watches re-runs of Hello Dolly and stays sane by hanging out with his insect buddy. The opening plays like science fiction paranoia. Even though Wall-E is equipped with a positronic brain, could you imagine being alone for seven-hundred years? I guess immortality isn't as great as everyone says it could be.

However, after all those years, Wall-E is met by another robot named Eve. She is the most beautiful thing Wall-E has ever seen. When they get acquainted through interpersonal robot communication (never thought I'd put that in a sentence) she has discovered that this robot has found the key to Earth's rehabilitation. Wall-E has found life. Life in a small plant found in garbage. She is forced to take it and go into hibernation until the plant is safe back at her mothership. Wall-E is so destined to be with her that he hitches a ride on the back of the ship. He has no idea what is going on, but the power of love has taken over his circuit boards. When they reach the ship, a love story emerges between Wall-E and Eve as they also try and save planet earth from the machines that were created to protect both them and the humans who built them.

What's interesting is director Andrew Stanton’s (Finding Nemo) decision to install real life humans inside the story. Fred Willard plays the CEO of the BnL (Buy n' Large) corporation. His company seven-hundred years prior seemed to have taken over earth while soon destroying it in the process. This is another vision as to the potential apocalyptic downfall of our world. It works because this is does not feel like a lecture. This is a science fiction story with a twist of love. What could be more satisfying to the film lover in all of us? This has just as much magic as E.T did twenty-six years ago. Wall-E is a majestic piece of cinema, one as exuberant as our imagination can possibly render.

Critics and audiences alike will eventually have to make a top ten list of the greatest Pixar films of all time, given that out of the nine they have created (Toy Story, A Bug's Life, Toy Story 2, Monster's Inc., Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Cars, Ratatouille, and now Wall-E) five of them are already masterpieces while others are strenuously close. Wall-E marks an already unprecedented high for Pixar. After this film was over, I wanted to pack up my suitcase and head off to Disney World. That's how much this film means to the inner child in me.

The Happening

*** Stars

I am giving this movie three stars because M. Night Shyamalan would want me to.

In a recent interview, Shyamalan told reporters this: "I wanted it to be a fantastic, fun B-movie. The number one thing is I want people to say: 'That was a really fun B-movie.'"

Well, it may not be his greatest film, but he lives up to his word. The Happening is a creeper, one that makes you think beyond the fears of terrorism and man-made weapons.

Everyone knows how I feel about people’s hatred towards M. Night, so I won’t even bother to go into that again. His latest effort is a story of the beginning of the end of mankind. As if there is enough evil in the world, The Happening shows man’s downfall by mass suicide. The opening shot is Central Park in New York on a warm sunny day. Only Shyamalan could make this look like the bowels of hell. We begin to fear days of nature when it is suppose to comfort us from the shadows of night. For some reason, something is happening that is killing humans like ants under someone’s foot.

The story slows down in order to follow Elliot Moore (Mark Wahlberg) and his wife Alma (Zooey Deschanel) traveling through the state of Pennsylvania (Shyamalan is now obsessed with this state, where all of his films since The Sixth Sense have taken place) to try and escape the event that is happening. With them is their friend Julian (John Leguizamo) and his daughter Jess. When the four travel on a train to escape the attacks, the train stops after losing contact with everyone. They are trapped in a small town that no one has ever heard of, which gives them the idea of safety. But once they discover that this is not a terrorist attack and that small towns are being affected, things turn for the worst. Julian leaves to find his wife and Elliot, Amla, and Jess are forced to run for their lives against a force beyond our understanding.

So what is the mystery surrounding these events? I went online after the film to read people’s explanations and theories. I enjoyed someone’s idea that everything is psychosomatic and that once someone believes that they will get sick, they will mentally enter that stage. It doesn’t explain why everyone in Central Park became symptomatic all at the same time, but that theory is very much apart of this feature regardless of its beginning.

The small town paranoia is Shyamalan’s specialty. In Signs, he explored a family’s reconnection through an alien attack in rural Pennsylvania. In The Village, he studied a group of people escaping towards innocence after living in a world of post 9/11 fear. Now in The Happening, he takes one couple who has lost the feeling of love and must rediscover its roots in order to save themselves and the world around them. It sounds kind of ridiculous on paper, but Shyamalan gets his point across through his purposefully fun and scary B-movie approach.

NOTE: After writing this review, I thought of a theory on my own. This is just a theory that may or may not be true. But I think it is a definite possibility. (You may want to see the film before reading this).

It is hard to notice, but even through The Happening’s tagline, Shyamalan delivers brilliance. It shows that all of his films since The Sixth Sense are connected through some sort of dimension.

“We’ve sensed it. We’ve seen the signs. Now, it’s happening.”

Think about it. The Sixth Sense is being able to see dead people. So in The Happening, the power of whatever is attacking these humans is able to see and choose who is dead and who is staying alive.

In Unbreakable, the main character has survived a train wreck that no one else could and has the ability to protect people. It turns out that he is not a human, but a creature with unexplainable power. In The Happening, nature has the ability to protect us, if we are willing to protect it back. It is a creature with unexplainable power.

In Signs, an outside force has attacked the world we live in. They we’re hostile creatures who wanted to destroy the human race. In The Happening, an outside force has attacked our society that is hostile and unknown.

In The Village, a small town must stay inside a border or unknown creatures in the woods will destroy them all. It turns out that these people are actually staying inside a border because of real world fear. Their small group allows them to protect innocence and their own survival. In The Happening, people must stay inside a border consisting of the amount of people in a group. The smaller the group, the better chance of survival.

Even in Lady in the Water, it tells the story of one hotel trying to discover its purpose. In The Happening, it tells the story of one couple trying to discover the purpose to their survival. For both films, it had themes of love.

People may perceive this as Shyamalan giving us only one idea over and over, but I think Shyamalan knows exactly what he’s doing. He is creating a fear that every human feels (the loss of innocence and the end of life) and has taken these ideas and thrown them into existence. Even though his films are about seeing dead people, being attacked by aliens, and seeing a nymph in a pool, we can relate to his ideas just by letting our minds wonder.

The Incredible Hulk

** Stars

A re-boot of Ang Lee's 2003 lackluster Hulk may be exactly what this world needs. Right?

Wrong.

In fact, the only reason for this new version of the Hulk franchise is to set up an Avengers movie. The idea is perfect, but the execution is absolutely pointless. As I sat in the midnight showing, no one around me looked very excited. Most just sat at the screen and were probably thinking the same thing I was. What's the point of all this?

There is no doubt that this film will be successful financially. I just wish the studios listened to their star Edward Norton about the film's ending. Norton, very upset about the films conclusion, threatened to stop promoting his film if studios didn't bring back the ending he wanted. He lost. Studios won. Audiences suffered.

Norton is one of America's finest actors, but I think he is miscast as Bruce Banner (His transformation into the Hulk is hard to believe given his small stature as Banner). In the opening, Norton plays Banner muted as he is hiding in the shadows looking for a cure to his somewhat unusual circumstance. He is not looking to control his power, only to destroy it. Soon, he has to go on the run once the government tracks him down so they can use him as a weapon. This film does not make the American government look like the good guy. But then again, what film lately has?

The Hulk has a soft spot (every hero does) for his girl Betty Ross (a cheesy but somewhat appropriate Liv Tyler). When they reunite once again, her father, General Thaddeus Ross (William Hurt) will use anything he can to get to Bruce. Even if that means using her daughter. Both Betty and Bruce do what they can to find a cure, but the General has a few tricks up his sleeves and creates his own Hulk-Powered machine. Tim Roth plays Emil Blonsky, a commando who wants every power Bruce has. He is injected with doses of adrenaline and is turned into the evil side of Hulk's power. The two square off in a final battle that is visually impressive (Roth and Norton actually fought each other using digital technology that Andy Serkis also used to create King Kong and Gollum) but lacking in emotional intensity. Its finale is annoyingly kept open for a sequel. The biggest cheer in this film is Robert Downey Jr.'s cameo as Tony Stark, which proves that Iron Man is a much better adaptation.

Maybe Norton will be a great match-up with Downey when they team up as Hulk and Iron Man in the upcoming Avengers film. But for now, I'll ignore this film and look to the future. You should do the same.

Kung Fu Panda

***1/2 Stars

What ads such wonderful energy to Kung Fu Panda is the voice work of Jack Black. I was worried when I saw the trailer that it would just be Black shaped as a panda showing off his stereotypical mannerisms. But while watching the film, I found that Black's personality and the screenplay's old fashioned story telling created a winning combination to surprise my very low expectations. Other voices include Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie, Lucy Lui, Seth Rogen, and Jackie Chan.

Even when Jolie is portraying a tigress, she's still hot. She is one of the legendary Furious Five including Crane, Mantis, Viper, and Monkey whose powers are some of the best Kung Fu has ever seen. Black is a lazy panda named Po, who is accidentally chosen as the Dragon Warrior. As the Warrior, it is his responsibility to defeat the snow leopard Tai Lung, once a friend who turned foe when he himself was not chosen as the dragon warrior. Tai Lung’s overbearing power corrupted his mind and forced him to retreat and destroy the life he once knew.

Po is an overweight but kind-hearted soul. He may not have the muscles and strength as others in Kung Fu, but using what he knows, Po finds a way to learn a style that is different from any other. He is trained using his flaws as an asset to create potential as a member of Allies of Kung Fu.

Created by DreamWorks Animation, Kung Fu Panda is its strongest film since the original Shrek. It has a lovable hero, a wonderful supporting cast, and solid size of laughs. Not once did I lose a smile, unless I was laughing along with Po, who is destined to become an iconic animated character. I can now see why the film was selected to the Cannes film festival. Why not spice things up and embrace a genre that has dominated both box-office numbers and the kid in all of us? It seems this film and Pixar's Wall-E will be fighting for the crown come Oscar season.

You Don’t Mess with the Zohan

*1/2 Stars

Adam Sandler has never looked better in any movie. He is fit, he is lean, and he still gets the hot girl. But a good looking Adam Sandler does not necessarily create a good looking movie. You Don’t Mess with the Zohan is a stale and an obsessively unfit comedy for the world we live in.

It’s a strange dilemma. Adam Sandler sure has made some stinkers (including this one), but I am still at the theater on the opening nights of his films. He’s like a girl you can’t stop hooking up with every time you see her. Sandler has just received MTV’s highest honor for comedy at the Movie Awards last week. His years of offensive screwball films have captured the hearts of frat boys and pre-teenagers all over the world. Audiences also know that he can act. His two best performances were dramas: Punch Drunk Love and Reign Over Me. I am sad to report that Zohan is on the same level as I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, as one of Sandler’s worst films.

The movie, co-written by Judd Apatow, Sandler, and Robert Smigel, is trying too hard to make us laugh. Sandler plays a Mossad agent named Zohan Dvir, who is tired of fighting as an Israeli assassin. He decides to fake his own death to travel to New York City so he can achieve the American Dream. A dream of cutting and stylizing hair. I guess we all have a little Sex and the City in us. Even Adam Sandler.

When he gets to New York, he takes a job at a salon where of course it is run by a hot Palestinian girl (Entourage’s Emmanuelle Chriqui). Where would the world be without a little Isreali-Palestinian humor? That humor in this film has sent their people back a thousand years. So does that mean the war has just begun?

That was a little harsh. But come on, there is no point to this movie except to give Sandler more strong box-office numbers. Why doesn’t Sandler take a stretch before running the same course over and over? My advice to him is to ditch the same old crew consisting of another Razzie-caliber performance by Rob Schneider and the sadly miscast John Turturro, and collaborate with his old college roommate (Apatow) respectively and make a comedy classic of Superbad, Knocked Up, and 40-Year Old Virgin like proportions. If not, I really don’t think Sandler can keep making me hook up with that same old dud.