Semi-Pro

**1/2 Stars

Semi-Pro opened at #1 with 15.1 million. The headline on Yahoo Movies said it was a bomb at the box-office. Although it didn't make the $20 million that was expected, is Hollywood so greedy that it is ready to call a mild No. 1 opening a bomb? Who writes those things anyway? I'll say it was a mild successful failure for Will Farrell.

That's also the outcome of the film. The studio made a very smart move by making it a R-rated comedy rather than a friendly PG-13. Why? Because they realized without some harsh humor, they would have absolutely no movie. The best parts of Semi-Pro is its ability to be bawdy as hell in order to cover up the films other mishaps. Without Will Farrell, the movie would be heading for disaster. Who else could really pull of a fictitious 70's owner-promoter-player-coach named Jackie Moon better than Farrell? It feels like an SNL character but with the ability to curse on the air.

The Flint Michigan Tropics of the American Basketball Association (ABA) are heading towards extinction. Jackie Moon, the once pop-star with his #1 hit "Love Me Sexy" is a great promoter to his hometown, but is still living in the past as a one hit wonder. However, the commissioner explains that the ABA is collapsing and only the top four teams from the league will join the NBA. The Tropics, stereotypically in last place, has to find a way to make it to the top to save the franchise. In a desperate move, Jackie Moon trades away the team's washing machine for a once champion benchwarmer named Monix (Woody Harrelson). Jackie Moon will do everything in his power to save Jackie Moon and the Flint Michigan tropics.

The best parts of the movie is where first time director Kent Alterman lets Farrell and the gang play off each other in an uncensored way, managing nonlethargic dialogue. It doesn't reach the heights of Anchorman, but it stays close to Farrell's other sports flicks (Blades of Glory and Talladega Nights). The **1/2 star rating only means that if fails to capsize its R-rating, coming short of a comedy classic.

Jumper

* Star

Messier than a bedpan, with more holes than the children's novel Holes, it's a bird! It's a plane! It's...a movie about some dude who can teleport anywhere at any time being chased by a white-haired Samuel L. Jackson.


With a tagline saying "Anywhere is Possible," Jumper hypocritically goes nowhere exciting nor inventive with an actual cool premise for a movie. It seemed the crew (and especially the talented director Doug Liman) gave up when they cast Hayden Christensen as the lead (a low-blow I know, but am I wrong?). Now I expected this to be bad, but I was wishing for a fun throw-popcorn-at-the-screen-with-your-friends flick, but instead my eyes came heavy and irritated. The screenplay seemed to be written by a fifteen year old who was pissed at bullies for teasing him. Why? Because when David Rice (Christensen) is at age fifteen or so and is being picked on, he magically teleports to different places at anytime. Hayden Christensen narrates that it was time for him to get out of there. Out of where? It is natural to get picked on in High School and if a student needs to leave everything he knows, then so be it. For the start, we learn that Rice is a coward, by using his powers to escape his problems and to secretly rob banks. Why not help his country? He would be an amazing asset to the military. Oh wait, I forgot, he is a coward.

Years later, Christensen plays himself, with Rachel Bilson as his love interest, playing herself, with Samuel L. Jackson chasing them, playing himself. Rice discovers this gift has existed for centuries. After finding out he is not the only one, he is sucked into a war that has been continuing for thousands of years between "Jumpers" and those like Samuel L. Jackson who have been sworn to kill him. It is an annoying experience, filled with bloated action cliches and a premise wasted by the safety of assuring a #1 spot at the box-office.