Speed Racer

**1/2 Stars

Speaking as a young adult who believes that technology is taking over our minds, I have to state that I do not belong in a theater where films like Speed Racer are being played. This is true for two reasons: 1.) I never watched one full episode of the actual show and 2.) I had absolutely no idea what was going on while viewing it. This film is speed racing, but it leaves the audience so far behind. I swear I felt the beginning stages of vertigo during the screening. This is by far the trippiest stoner flick ever to hit the theaters.

Once again, this is a film that's hard to rate. If I was ten years old watching Speed Racer, I would think it is the greatest thing ever. But instead of getting into it, I felt like a parent wondering how I could let my child see this film, regardless of its PG rating. There are plenty of swears, with children punching each other when one is insulted, and although the action feels animated and fake, it still is not suitable for kids probably under the age of eight. So the only viewers that are seeing this film are those between 9-10 years old. Maybe that's why the film only opened to a mere $18 million. So much for my guess of a $50 million opening. I had hope for the Wachowski Brother's, but this baby stalls before lap one.

The casting of this film is inspiring. John Goodman and Susan Sarandon are perfectly cast as the Papa and Mom of Speed Racer (Emile Hirsch). Hirsch, coming off his electric performance in Into the Wild, is quite muted for most of this film. At one point, his younger brother's pet monkey has the same number of lines. His younger brother Spritle (Paulie Litt) is annoying as hell, who is only in the film for very young audiences. He and his monkey take up the entire film stealing candy and causing problems. Also, this kid's only friend is a monkey. How can the parents not be concerned?

Speed's life in racing began at a very young age. Suffering from ADD with his studies, Speed was focused on one thing: going fast. Ricky Bobby's father would like him. "If you ain't first, you're last." Speed looks up to his older brother Rex, who is a race car driver and the star of the family. When he is killed in a race, Speed begins to lose hope. But he realizes that racing his in his blood, and he can't escape his own blood. So when he grows up, he is faster than ever and a threat of his brother's track record. When Speed finishes first in a big race, he is welcomed by a racing conglomerate who wants him to join his money-filled industry. The Racer family has always been independently financed, but Speed wonders if taking this will take care of his family. He refuses, creating an enemy, and soon tries to save his family and himself from a business that killed his older brother.

The film does have a nice message for kids, but it's hidden behind car crashes and hypnotic nostalgia. The only question I wanted answered is which drug the Wachowski Brother's are taking, because this flick is one huge acid trip.

So where do I stand with this film? Well, as a viewer who never got into the series, I enjoyed the groundbreaking visuals and its clever hidden touches. For example, I was about to really give up one the film, until Spritle and the monkey started racing around a lab in a visual effect mania appropriately listening to Freebird. I unexpectedly started to crack up. I also laughed every time John Goodman was on screen. His mustache looks two inches longer than Hitler's. Also, Matthew Fox (Jack from the hit TV show Lost) plays the mysterious Racer X who helps Speed get through a Cross-country race. Fox is the best part of this movie, but he is lost in a shuffle of other useless characters and we rarely get to see him.

I had this weird feeling leaving the cinema. After being in a theater with visuals stronger and crazier than 3-D, it turns out that the real world doesn't have things being visually shoved in your face until you feel trapped like a helpless fish in some other owner's tank. Well, that is unless you walk down Times Square in New York City.