Ten Movies I Didn't Review Until After Summer's End
In perhaps the most unorthodox top ten I've ever done, I decided to hold off on my reviews for a while (if you need a reminder, CLICK HERE) to create a completely random list of 2010 summer films as a way to calculate just how much damage the movie has created for Hollywood. Each film will be graded based on its overall rating, the necessity of the film, and whether or not it's worthy of a sequel. Enjoy!
The A-Team (gets a B- for effort)
Whoever edited The A-Team did such a good job disguising this loud summer spectacle as a story, when in fact its hard to tell what in the hell is even going on. However, I will say that it does a much better job than most in that area. Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Quinton "Rampage" Jackson, and Sharlto Copley are a winning team in an overall losing effort. Next time, how about giving us some meaning behind the characters' motives? Well, considering it only grossed $75 million, looks like there won't even be a next time.
Overall Grade: **1/2 stars
Necessary: Not Really
Sequel Worthy: No.
The Other Guys (seem to be the right ones)
This has to be the biggest surprise of the summer. The Other Guys is pretty hysterical, reminding us just how funny the combination of director Adam McKay and Will Ferrel can be. Him and Mark Wahlberg match perfectly in this buddy-cop parody that is ridiculous enough to be considered funny and not ridiculous enough where it forgets to tell a coherent story (YOU HEAR THAT VAMPIRES SUCK?) Watch out for this one becoming a Ferrell cult classic in years to come.
Overall Grade: *** stars
Necessary: Yes
Sequel Worthy: Nah, there is a thing called too much.
Piranha 3D (Beyond hilarious)
It's sad that this is the most satisfying 3D picture of the summer. Not because it's the best movie (obviously), but because of its ability to stay true to itself. It never takes itself seriously, it has some of the most epic kills this side of Final Destination, and is perhaps the funniest film of the year.
Overall Grade: *** stars
Necessary: Not really, but...
Sequel Worthy: It's already been greenlit. It's pointless, but this time around they're letting audiences vote for a character they want to see killed. Come on Michael Bay...
Machete ("don't text")
More non-sense seems to mean more fun these days. And if that's the case, Machete fits the bill. Based off the trailer from the 2007 schlock-fest classic Grindhouse, Robert Rodriguez lets you know upfront that the movie was made strictly for those in need of some stupid smarts. Danny Trejo hardly flinches or speaks, but when he does, hang on.
Overall Grade: *** stars
Necessary: Maybe, maybe not...
Sequel Worthy: I'll say no, but count me in for Werewolf Women of the SS.
The Expendables (are expendable)
What a disappointment. Stallone tries his best, but the script is really lame, it takes itself too seriously when it shouldn't and forgets what kind of movie it's trying to be after the opening credits. I give major props to Stallone for still looking bad-ass in his sixties, but perhaps it's best to let the past be the past.
Overall Grade: ** stars
Necessary: It could've been, but no.
Sequel Worthy: Won't hurt anyone, but no. But what do I know? The sequel's already been greenlit.
Knight & Day (The difference between is?)
This was a weird movie for me. Had this movie been released a half a decade sooner, this would have been one of the highest grossing movies of the year with better reviews. Instead, it's been reduced to mixed reviews and a disappointing box-office run. For me, I enjoyed this movie. Nothing more, nothing less. Tom Cruise reminds everyone that he is, always has, and always will be a phenomenal physical actor. His devotion to his craft is so clear that if anyone is still giving him shit for being a little crazy, they have a lot to prove. While it's nothing to goggle over, it's nice to know that there's a movie this harmless every couple of years or so.
Overall Grade: *** stars
Necessary: Yes
Sequel Worthy: Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (this...)
I think I'm starting to understand why the Twilight movies are not good movies. It's so simple too. It's not because it's a movie about vampires (there are some good ones out there), it's not because of its directors (Catherine Hardwicke made the darkly fantastic Thirteen, Chris Weitz has had a very successful career minus The Golden Compass, and David Slade knows the supernatural genre well with 30 Days of Night), it's not because of the cast (for they seem appropriate for their parts), and finally, it's not because it's a chick flick. These movies are mediocre because the source material is mediocre. Stephanie Meyer deserves praise for the success she has made for herself, but unless you're a 13-year-old girl who gets wet over dead and supposedly beautiful killers, this one is not for you.
Note: I will give the movie one small credit, admitting that it's the best of the three.
Overall Grade: ** stars
Necessary: For some, yes. For others...
Sequel Worthy: A dumb question considering its following.
Shrek Forever After (and after, and after, and enough already)
Another Shrek. How surprising. Although, it's nice to know that this one is the last one (for now, anyways). DreamWorks seems to be squeezing every cent out of this franchise. Unfortunately, the creators behind the lovable Ogre screwed themselves over by trying to add more pop cultures references than any other financially successful one out there. I don't know if that's a sign of weak writing or lazy storytelling. It's a ripoff of It's a Wonderful Life, followed by a preachy exposition of what it's supposed to take to live "happily ever after".
Overall Grade: ** stars
Necessary: No
Sequel Worthy: Hopefully, they'll stick to their word and call this one the final chapter.
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (The Forgotten Blast)
There is something truly to love about the style of Edgar Wright's adaptation of the popular graphic novel. And although I tell myself I'm sick of Michael Cera, both his movies this year (this and Youth in Revolt) have been very fun and entertaining. Scott Pilgrim is in mind, one of the best movies of this very weak year. The visuals and pacing are close to perfection and impossible to ignore. Besides Inception and Toy Story 3, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World was the saving grace for this summer of movies. I hope that it gets another life on DVD.
Overall Grade: ***1/2 stars
Necessary: Absolutely
Sequel Worthy: A sadly disappointing box-office run has doomed its future.
Jonah Hex (The worst movie of them all)
This pile of SHIT is a true pile of SHIT. It's not Josh Brolin's fault for trying to find an action franchise, but this has to be the biggest disaster of the year. Perhaps the reason why The Last Airbender seems to be the popular choice of that category as of late is because more people saw it (it made $130 million domestically). Jonah Hex collapsed out of the gate with $10 million. The only fascinating that came out of this movie is Armond White's review of it. That guy gets me every time.
Overall Grade: * star
Necessary: I shiver at people who say yes
Sequel Worthy: Again, shiver...
